kung fu biking

new year's resolutions?

2009-01-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less.

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more.

6. Drink. Drink some more.

7. Take up a new habit: smoking.

8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.

9. Spend more time at work.

10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.

11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

12. Quit giving money & time to charity.

14. Start being superstitious.

15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.

18. Personal goal: bring back disco.

Blog more, the fans are dying for more of our dribble!

Ride posts coming soon, I got two so far and maybe, just maybe two more before the holiday's over.

A sad yuletide passing (with some festive cheer)

2008-12-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you guys & laydeez have heard through whatever channels, the eventual outcome of that appalling International Freeride Competition incident involving a Giant rider, a Santa Cruz rider and a Specialized rider(?)

Tragically, due to the exceptional events involved; all three had unfortunately been pronounced dead earlier today; how untimely, less than only 48 hours before Christmas Day!!

Upon reaching the gates leading into Heaven; St Peter stood before the three departed and announced, "It is customary in these circumstances during the Festive Period, that in order to progress beyond the pearly gates; those seeking access into Heaven can only acheive this by demonstrating an attribute synonymous with Christmas "The fallen Giant rider dutifully reaches into his backpack; flicks and holds aloft his cigarette lighter, anouncing, "Look; a candle!" "Very well", responded St Peter, "You may pass beyond the gates"

The Santa-Cruz rider is the next to step forward; he reaches into his backpack and brings out his set of house keys, subsequently jingling them in-front of St Peter. "Behold - Bells!" says he"Mais Oui!" replies St Peter and the Santa Cruz rider duly continues into Heaven.

Finally, only the Specialized rider remains at the entrance to Nirvana, rummaging frantically through the contents of his backpack. Eventually, he stands before St Peter, unscrumpling a well-worn pair of the sexiest of women's skimpy undies and holds these forth in open hands "What in tarnation has this abomination got to do with Christmas, the most sacred of festive celebrations??!!" Demanded St Peter in utter disgruntled disbelief"Erm....................They are Carol's!" came the reply

This is about as close to riding as I got today, couple inches of rain and 40 degree weather'll do that to a feller. Maybe tomorrow.

BTW, story stolen from an MTBR thread.

Peace

here i got you something

2008-12-26T21:06:00.000-08:00

How cute is that huh? Damn skippy it's cute.

I'll be out and about hoping w/fingers X'd to ride the next nine, yes 9, days in a row. I'll let you know how it goes.

Peace
Out
Bitches

it's gone, the shit that is, i ate it

2008-12-21T21:09:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those rides that starts out crappy only to get better? Me too but that's not what happened yesterday.

Supposed to get started at Turkey Mtn. at 9; so of course one dude shows up at 9:20. After he gets his kit on its then about 9:35 and up to the top we go. The weatherman had promised that the 40 degree temps we're experiencing will go up to about 48 by noon them plummet like corn loaded turds. Anyway he was fucking wrong, as soon as we got to the top it was quite obvious the wind had already switched and was coming out of the north so we'd already peaked at a brisk 42 or so. Anyway we head over to snake run and I'm givin' 'er but she ain't motoring like normal since it was straight into the wind and the trail was nice and tacky. Oh well I'm thinking by the time we get out of there I'll be nice and toasty. WRONG! By the time we get out of there I'm a fatass popsicle who's right big toe was now having pins poked into it. So we dicked around for awhile and finally one guy says he's got to go home so we head to the lot which means wind at our backs but higher speed in cold weather evened that out so nobody could get warmed up. After waiting for what seemed like forever the rest of the crew shows up and it’s decided we’ll do bomb cellar so it’s another fast blast to keep everyone refrigerated.

I’d decided I’d had enough since my right big toe was now past numb and past exhilarating and approaching snapping off.

But I got talked into riding Lo Chi.

That’s when the commode stopped up to top off the nasty shit.

Four of us commence to riding Lo Chi, me, a dude named Lance who lacks in skill but kills it with balls and legs, and two others who are fairly new to the game. After we get past the initial tech bits I decide to open ‘er up and see if Lance can hang thru the berms and get his flow on and of course to see if my skills could overcome his legs. Well I won out; after about three turns I look over my shoulder to see if he’s there and he’s back quite aways so I let ‘er rip. You know how it is, you’ve finally been released and the scenery is flying by and you’re nailing spot after spot and since it’s leafy as hell you’re right at the edge of adhesion. It’s fucking cool right, you know the kinda cool where occasionally you’re having to manhandle the bitch a bit ‘cause the front tires sliding out due to the leaves and yet you keep your speed and flow going? Yeah, you feeling it? Me too, then something happened; I was flying thru the air with no bike, only about 2.5 feet off the ground. I landed about 10-12 feet from my bike and thanks to the leaves and the lack of rocks (thanks trailbuilder) I slid another eight feet on the ground. (Kinda cool, but hurts like shit today.) After shaking off the cobwebs I reenacted the event to find that I’d come thru a berm, yanked on the bars to center the bike, and placed the front tire right smack dab in front of a rock; bars twist, slap upper thigh, and I go superman/no seat grab. Initial injury was quite unexplainable, a cramp in my calf? I don’t understand it either but once I get home and head to the crapper, obviously to shit out the shit that I just ate, grab the latest Decline mag, assume the position with elbows touching upper thighs and wince in pain to find out that I did have a spot or two other than the leg cramp. Odd how I didn’t notice that earlier, adrenaline I guess. About an hour later I go thru one of my post bronchitis coughing bits to learn that I also bruised something in my upper gut in the slide that now is quite noticeable to me anytime I laugh, cough, turn, or especially when I…you guessed it…shit!

Peace out bitches and get some.

top 10 bitches, TOP 10!!!

2008-12-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

What a fucking weekend eh? Friday afternoon went for a little dirt spin @ Turkey & Saturday got my ass rocked off by these boys:

The one and only Eagles of Death Metal! Here I sit 24 hours later still getting off on the show. How good was it? I broke with tradition and bought a killer t-shirt with the hands logo on it and I NEVER buy a t-shirt, but these dudes deserve some more of my hard earned duckets!$$$

I would normally spend more time on the ride report but fuck my ears are still battered and bruised from last nights show; here's the link...go check 'em out! Eagles of Death Metal

And in case you're wondering if it's a blitzkrieg of rock the answer is no, it's not some total lameass 2 to 3 chord losers pounding out nonsense riffs louder than the other losers; it's straight up kickass rock-n-roll with a kick ass attitude!

See here:

And Here Shit Goddamn:

And let's not forget:

Oh, and how did I crack the top 10 out of 700 others? Well perseverance, hard work, dedicated to my goals, and just flat outlasting my competition...that's how!

You see by now alot of others would've given up but quit ain't in my dictionary and that's how at age 44 I was easily in the top 10 of oldest fuckers at the gig; but I promise you this, nobody there had a better time and nobody rocked any harder than I did!

Well, maybe the misses who was downing PBR's like they were ice fucking water!

Cool chick, very cool chick!

And let's not forget about Sammy, congrats to what seems to be a great guy, but umm looks like Fox Sports fucked it up the ass hard! From www.deadspin.com:

Boomer fuckin' Sooner

2008-12-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

Like most typical OU fans I didn't go there but like most as a kid I dreamed of playing there, ergo lifetime fan.

This annihilation was flatout amazing. OU gets the Big XII Championship AND fucks over Texas head coach Mack Brown on the same night! How sweet it is!

Love this pic from www.deadspin.com:

One more game, and sadly my hopes aren't up too high for that one.

I know this is a cycling blog (mainly) and I know Buddy doesn't give a shit, but I do so if it bothers you then eat me.

get off my ASS

2008-12-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

Yep it's been awhile but Buddy's been itching to post and so have I.

The years been a little weird, I moved east of B.A. and somehow ended up in Tulsa? Go figure, anyway love the new house and the new schools that go along with it. (Still B.A. schools, again go figure.)

The riding scene's been wacky. I was starting to think that I'd ran off all my riding friends and then all of a sudden everyone's riding again along with a few new fellers; and I owe it all to my wife. Thus the blog post begins:

On August 9th I went for a little 13 mile ride with my wife and her boss, the pricipal where my wife is the librarian. The boss had been training for a half marathon and was starting to get in shape and wanted to try a bike ride for a cross training exercise. Now boss lady hadn't been on a bike in like 8 years and my wife hadn't ridden in like 3. (Went back to get her grad degree and started working, good enough excuses.) Anyway we ride about 13 miles total; when finished I'm in the parking lot waiting for them to arrive and upon arrival my wife says "Gene (boss) asked if we did the MS150 would you stay with us and I told her yes." (The two day 150 mile ride was in 5 weeks!) I concur and then Gene starts doing the math, she goes something like "so if we ride 8 mph we'd be done in like 10 hours the first day", so I of course shit myself and said something like "my ass won't be on any saddle for 10 hours so I'm out unless you two agree to a plan I concoct and stick to it", of course they agree and both being stubborn stuck to all the rides I'd planned for them without a single bitch session.

So the day before the MS150 commences they ask the question "do you think we can finish it?" and being honest Abe I answer "kinda", I said they could do the miles but didn't think they could do all the hills. (Which were all at about mile 70, short and freakin' steep!) Being the dummy I am they of course finish ALL of it and also make every freakin' climb and also finish the first day with about 7.5 hours of riding time. I was blown away and even shed a tear for the wife when she finished; yes I was proud of her! And btw for those of you who didn't ride the MS this year, it was held the weekend that the remnants of hurricane Ike blew thru, and yes it blew.

Since then it's been until recently riding, riding, and more riding. I've shed a bunch of the weight I'd sadly found over the last two years and am more stoked than ever.

Here's the crew. (I'm the fat but cute one and that beanpole on the left in the pic is none other than wifey)

Looking forward to more rides with the wife and yes that includes Turkey since she's got the nerve up to mtn. bike again and can't wait to get over this run of illnesses I've had lately and get back out in the dirt for night rides.

Too much fun!!!

Damn, almost forgot. Two days before the MS ride a crack in the wife's headtube showed up; T-Town calls Specialized tells them the details they say no problem, Jake says well there is, the MS ride is in two days, Specialized overnights a new frame and at the same time upgrades her two models! From the cheapo basic Allez to one with pimpin' carbon stays, a new carbon fork, and a free carbon post to boot! I've never been a fan of the horst link mtn. bikes but I may take another look next time I'm in the market for a ride.

Duh, how could I not mention this? The Evil Powers of Rock n' Roll blessed OKC with an hour show opening up for Rev. Horton Heat, fucking awesome. I've said it before and I'll say it again, how these guys don't sell a billion albums is beyond me; check 'em out! Click this shit!

Wow, there's a lot of shit bouncing around in my noggin''. Look for more posts and blasphemy spewage soon.

a tale of 2 bro's

2008-01-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned here numerous times two of my favorite people to ride with are my bro Stuart, a natural blood relative bro, and bro Rich the wacky speed demon in-law. Well they've both had their health issues recently; Stuart's had multiple surgeries over the last two years and has one more coming soon which by his standards should be minor, a mere hernia that reaches from his sternum to the upper base of the peni peninsula. Stuart’s on a tear and itching to ride and Rich is on another riding plane right now healing up from a massive clusterfuck crash. (Pics later!)

Stuart’s recently bought another house (3) in Texas and called the other day; he was in a bike shop (bad move) and looking to buy a bike to keep there so he wouldn’t have to move his fancy-ass Enduro from location to location. The bike shop sales dude recommended this: That's a Fisher Cobia, retail about a G.

That made a ton of sense since Stuart is 6’6” tall so a two-niner seems like a perfect fit. However the sales rep didn’t realize that Stuart doesn’t ever buy the cheapest thing around so he took upon himself to upgrade to this:

That's a GF X-Caliber retail about a G & a half.

Now the dumbass has got me jonesin' for a 29'er. He's supposed to be in town this weekend and bring the new steed. He wants to ride the two back-to-back and see what the differences in rides are. That's cool, especially for a dude that's only mtn. biked a handful of times in his life. Of course he was bitten pretty dangerously by the bug before his health became an issue. An FYI, his health issues weren't his fault, what was all minor became massive due to poor healthcare and great insurance.

On to Rich; I'd mentioned sometime in the past that he'd had a severe road bike accident. He swears he was going quite slowly upon impact but the pic's tell a different story. I'll only explain the wreck, I don't need to pass any judgements or make any smart-ass comments; the pictures paint quite a story by themselves. Rich swears he was only (only) doing about 35 when he wrecked; he was descending (Mt. Tam I believe) when he hit the brakes and his front tire popped off the rim tossing him to the tarmac (road ride) thus breaking his pelvis in numerous places.

The resulting scar of a 22 pin surgery w/one broken drill bit left for good measure:

Other than a gasp I've got nothing else to say, except get well of course!

faux in a raux

2008-01-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

God I suck at this blogging thing; I often mean to post but often forget or get busy or just don’t care.

Anyway, for the 4th year in a row I made a pilgrimage to Greenleaf during Christmas vacation. Knock on wood I haven’t been sick in a long time and am able to take my sick leave during this week. In years past my goal was to ride everyday and actually accomplished this goal for 3 running years but the last 2 haven’t been able to, but I’ve at least kept the tradition of a Greenleaf ride, and it’s getting tougher every year.

As usual I rode the lollipop in a counter clockwise rotation to minimize the amount of hill climbs (hike-a-bike’s for me) and to maximize the amount of killer downhills. However this year’s most smiles for the miles route wasn’t too hot. While Greenleaf wasn’t hit by the recent ice storms that destroyed Turkey and Keystone they were devastated by last years ice storms that crushed Muskogee; meaning there were still LOTS of trees down. Seemingly every opportunity to open it up and let ‘er rip on the downhills was interrupted by a downed tree, often every 200 yards or so. The dismount/remount tally between getting off to hike-a-bike and dismounting to get over or around the downed trees easily added up to over 100 and it fucking sucked! But compared to my riding partner Stacy I fared really well. At the 40% completion point he realized his knees were giving up on him and by the time we finished they were swollen and killing him; I actually felt sorry for the poor bastard. (I’ll get over that I’m sure.) The only problem I had was cramping in an odd spot; just above my knees on both sides. They got so bad at one point; about 400 yards from the finish, that I had to dismount and just stand. The pain had got so bad that I couldn’t pedal or walk, just stand there looking like an idiot; not that there was anyone around to see me but humiliating just the same.

As is typical of Greenleaf outings, when you first leave you think “screw this place, I ain’t ever coming back”; but after a few days the memory fades and you think “hell yeah, I can’t wait to get back there!” My passion to return is stoked by the memory of the final downhill section, it’s about a 3 minutes downhill that’s super rocky/technical white knuckle steep in one section and what Greenleaf is all about for me. I just need to buy one new replacement part for the Heckler and I’ll be good to go.

Try climbing hills with that pedal! I think this was part of the reason I cramped; while the often lauded great mud shedding capabilities of the eggbeaters was improved by 25% it made the clipping in possiblities decrease by 25% too; and it ALWAYS was in the wrong position when trying to remount.

I’m already looking forward ‘til next year.

taking the easy route

2007-11-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

Instead of a full fledged write-up of current rides I'll post a quick story I sent to Buddy:

Man, this may be the most sore I've ever been after a 2 hr. ride. I parked up top and rode snake & the squiggly stuff up top and just kind of dicked around trying to re-learn the lights and learn where I need to point my head now that I've got a headlight too. All good & fun & confusing learning to point my head away from the trail to see where it goes up ahead. So after a good learning session I hit the upper squiggles again and come across two dear at the end then headed over to boner/techno/millenium (whatever it's called.) Wow I was a rockstar...for about 1/2 mile. I made it across the creek crossing which surprised me and after awhile I thought to myself hmmm, wonder if I can ride this entire thing dab free which lead to...you guessed it, a true dab-festival. I was all over the trail and saddle with lots of boneless moves. (see skateboarding where you plant a foot) The one thing the lights do not do well is let you know which rock is firmly planted and which is loose, of which there are lots now. Overall I thought I did pretty well, though it took three attempts to clear the rock garden climb on Hi-Chi. The first attempt was only about 10 ft. of trail, the 2nd about halfway, and third time was a charm. The other thing the lights don't do well is let you know the much needed depth perception of exactly how far your dropping off of a rock. When descending the 1/2 rock garden and the little section of trail that goes west toward the upper pond on the south end of boner up top made me ride my bike like a trampoline. Oh, and the reason I'm sore; because I had a serious death grip on the bars. I knew I was over-gripping but for some reason I couldn't stop it.

One other side effect; I had a hard time walking after the ride. It was if my equilibrium was off and it lasted for another two hours. Here's a crappy pic of night riding.

Rich is home but in a wheelchair; and I can't believe I was happy to hear this, but Stuart had 4 BM's yesterday! Good for him; I bet it's a weird feeling shitting after nothing has came out the back door for 6 months! If all goes well Stuart will go home today or tomorrow.

The last statements have to do with what's been happening to the loved one's in the last month; here's a bullet list of events & peeps:

Bro Rich had a road ride accident that broke his pelvis in 5 places. He had a 7 1/2 hour surgery to fix it and went home in a wheelchair; he'll be in it for a few months. He also stated that he may just sell his custom built Serotta!
Bro Stuart has just completed his 12 surgery in 24 months; he's doing well now and is home with his fingers crossed and two more minor surgeries looming ahead.
Youngest kid had a sinus infection.
Oldest kid had an ear infection.
Wife has been battling pneumonia for almost a month now.
Wife's sister had neck surgery and took a month off work.
Me, fat & sassy.

One last ride report; went to OKC on business yesterday and took the SS for some Draper fun. (It's only fun on a SS!) Rode green & yellow loops; started out like shit but finished well.

Lastly, are ya' country? 'Splain to me what this is; hit the comment button, get it right, and I'll give you a prize. (The official prize will be an "attaboy" reply in the comment box.)

Hint: Leaves are edible, berries are poisonous, but poor country folk used to take the berries, squish 'em and use the juice for paint for kids craft projects.

dawg tired

2007-09-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

Man it's been a long time since I've done a ride report because...well I just ain't been riding. Life, heat, rain, blah blah blah have kept my tired weak ass off the trail; until Friday...and Sunday! I finally put the rims & tires from the Heckler on the SS and what a difference those babies made. The tubeless tires give the hardtail some much needed cush and allow more bashing thru rockgardens without fear of flats and the weight difference seemed incredible. Whatever it was the Friday ride at Keystone felt like I'd been riding occasionally all along. I felt strong and on my game thru the rocks, and man the rain has exposed a lot more of the big rocks and created a lot of loose rocks. (More on that in a minute.)

Since Friday's ride was so good I just had to go back and do it again Sunday. Stacy had linked together Keystone Friday in such a way that I just fucking loved it. Most of the beginning of the ride flowed well and I thought was just perfect. My riding partner on Sunday got his ass handed to him. Ever had one of those rides where your friends just rip your fucking legs off? I have, tons of times but have never (that I know of anyway) really kicked somebody's ass on the trail who is stronger and fitter than me; but what can I say...Sunday was my day. The poor feller had had all he wanted just one hour into the ride!

Here he is at the first creek crossing resting his tired ass.

Notice how he's just barely in the water.
He eases into it a little more.
And a little more.

Almost there.
Aah, that's the spot.

You feel sorry for the dog? I didn't until we were done. I noticed he was limping across the parking lot and upon further inspection he had ripped the pads off of his front paws. He'd never had any problems at Turkey Mtn. before so I'm guessing it was all the loose rocks that got him here. He's in full doggy rehab mode now (being a lazy bum and getting to sleep in the bed with wifey and I) but will return to the trails soon. And btw he did awesome even though he hadn't been out for awhile. He trailed right behind me perfectly after about 5 minutes; the first five minutes he bumped the rear wheel a couple of times and at one point his bell even hit the tire which is amazing since it is looped thru his collar so he was WAY too close at that point. But after a few small hits he was back in form and loving the shit out of it!

Till next time bitches.

ever hear of Avery Luthi?

2007-08-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

You may soon.

His father is a guy I work with. Last year at the Nationals I was trying to hook Ronny and Avery up with Buddy and Jake since they're all in the same situation. The dad's are rippers and so are the kids. Anyway, Ronny calls me Friday and says Warrick Stevenson called him Friday morning and asked if Avery would accept a sponsorship from Kuwahara. Ronny's stoked, the kid only cares about getting this new bike.

How fucking cool is that? He's four fucking years old and he gets a call from one of the big boys in BMX; and he's calling to ask him to ride on his team! Look for him at the Nationals, he'll be on this rig rocking the Kuwahara team kit.

I hope to have some ride reports soon. Stacy's finally getting a 5" travel fork to fit his bike and seems to be stoked to start riding again soon. Me? I'm hitting the trainer at the house and pining away for cooler weather.

See ya later bitches!

stone cold killer

2007-07-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

OK, this is way off topic but too weird to pass up not telling somebody. Ever drive along and hit a bird? Happens what maybe once every 5,6, 10 years right? Well two years ago this happened on the trip to Crested Butte. We saw the bird swoop by a little low but thought surely nothing happened, while stopping for gas in Raton, NM sure as shit we found this.

OK, for the weird thing. Back in May I was driving in Arkansas and whap a bird hits the windshield. (#1) No biggie but thankfully no broken glass. Two weeks later while driving with the family a dove darts in front of the car and whap, (#2) it's a gonner. OK, two birds...two weeks. Then the family vacation comes. While driving and going under bridges I make the comment about how close those barn swallows come to the Daddy Wagon but somehow always swerve at the last minute, you guessed it, a little while later whap. (#3) The carnage isn't over though, I hit another dove in Taos New Mexico (#4) and another swallow (#5) in Colorado. Surely it's over 'cause what are the fucking odds right? Well, on the 1st day back to work I'm taking a shortcut on a sidestreet and another dove takes off late and gets it in the ass. (#6) My fucking god this is getting un-freakin'-real. Surely it's over, how many tweeties have to take a dirt nap due to my driving. Well...say hello to #7.

He was found stuck under the Daddy Wagon the other day and still resides there today. He stays as a warning for other fowl friends until he either starts to really stink or falls off and becomes rodent fare.

Maybe a vanity plate with "Stop me, I've killed before and I'll kill again" is necessary to get the message across. Until then the trophy is kinda cool.

pimp my mu fu'n ride

2007-07-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Awhile back you may remember a post about totaling the VeeDub wagon. Well it went down that the wife got the cool Infiniti in the garage and I got her old ride. Not very manly, kinda practical and 100% dorkie. So I had to pimp it...All it took was a cool bike rack, one killer bike, and a sticker from Buddy and what was once a mild mannered milf mommy mobile is now known as the kickass Daddy Wagon.

Now on to some funner shit; been to Turkey lately? Like technical? Get some, it is one tough hombre in most spots due to the massive erosion we've occured lately. Add that to the fact that it's been almost 3 months since I've ridden ANYTHING and you get a sum of one whooped mofo. Didn't ride too much, just wanted to get a feel for it. Surprisingly the dudes I hooked up with wouldn't hit Lip Buster on the way out and after riding it I see why. It is by far the toughest I've ever seen it and add in the fact that it's damn hard to even see the trail in a few spots due to the vegetation sprawl and you've really got a badass mamma jamma on your hands. I rode it but by no means did I rail it. After seeing that there has been many other riders obviously riding when the trails were soaked I think I'll start riding when they're soaked too. I can't imagine more riders making the trails any rougher than they currently are. Besides that, when it's 90 degrees outside with 80% humidity those trails aren't drying anyway so I might as well enjoy riding when it's only 70 degrees and 100% humidity.

As we say here at work; fuck it-get a bucket!

todays freakin' world

2007-07-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

I've got no idea how this ties to a cycling blog; but it sure fucking pissed me off. To tell the complete story would take way too long so I'll do a bullet list and try to shorten it up:

Oldest daughters now 12
She got her first hair “style” recently and the ok to wear light makeup
Now a 14 year old boy likes her, he’s one of her friends brothers
He comes to the house Thursday while I’m out of town to speak to her, she doesn’t want to go out and talk to him (and his friend, he’s important to the story {now known as #1}.)
Friday they come back to the house and again she doesn’t want to go out; approximate time 6:15 p.m.
Approximately 7:00 p.m. I take her to the skating rink. While leaving the ‘hood I saw accomplice #1 walk across the street and hop on a skateboard. As he rides away I notice he’s got the same trucks as my daughter.
Hmmm, I think but don’t say a word to my kiddo.
When I arrive home sure as shit her skateboards gone.
Starsky jumps into action and goes looking for #1.
After awhile I can’t find him so I go to #2’s house and talk to his dad since #2’s out skating.
Tell dad story he assures me his kid wouldn’t do that. (sure)
Back on the streets I find #1 on a bike and call #2’s dad. He now says his kid’s home and said #1 wanted to “jack” it for the trucks but that he didn’t see anything. (again...sure.)
#1 denies everything and takes off the other way to escape me.
He doesn’t, as stated before it’s rained forever here so his tracks into a yard and next to a fence do nothing to hide his tracks but it sure pisses me off.
I corner #1 and tell him to take me to his house so off we go. He tries to ditch me several times, but if you’ve seen my TV show you know I know these mean streets like the back of my hand.
When asked for his phone number and address he says “I don’t know”. The little fucker’s really pissing me off now.
Final ultimatum issued: House or cops.
He chooses cops.
I ringy-ding 911 and the cop says to let him go and they’ll send someone to the house.
Sure as shit they do. While she’s there, #2 rolls up on a broken Huffy and says #1 gave this to him last week. The cop’s eye’s go all a glitter. She snags #2 into the car and away they go.
#2 says he doesn’t know the kids last name, his phone number, or where he lives. (sure)
Cop gets yearbook from the kids school, does her research, drops #2 off at his house, hopefully to an ass whoopin’, and searches for #1. She finds him and he’s still denying everything to the cop and his mother.
Cop loads #1 into the car to go to #2’s house to straighten this out; on her way #1’s mom calls and says there’s a board there she’s never seen.
They arrive at #1’s house to find my daughters board broken in half, supposedly from a failed trick. (sure)
Cop brings the board back and calls #1’s mom while there, she assures me she’ll be in touch by noon the next day and we’ll meet at the shop and get my kid a new board.
Of course the bitch doesn’t call; I call her at two, leave voice message, and the dad calls back at 4 and says; “I was texted to call you, I heard my son did something but his mother and I don’t talk so can you tell me what's up?”
FUCK YOU PEOPLE, they’re you're fucking kids...TALK OFTEN!
I tell him the scoop, and he says he doesn’t have the $50 to take care of the board. (imagine that) “Maybe I can next week” he says. (sure)

I told you it was a long story and sadly with no ending...yet. I’ll post again if the dad comes thru, if not it’s more cop action and maybe a little shit mowing my lawn for the rest of the summer.

As the cowboys say “Fuck with a bull and you’ll get horned”. Next time I hope I can remember to use that fancy little camera that comes with my phone; this would’ve been a killer post with a pic of the little shit. Maybe I’ll get one either at the skateshop or with him mowing my lawn.

remember the last post...

2007-07-07T13:31:00.001-07:00

About the weather? Hah! It rained HARD every stinking day. Yesterday's weather said no rain and while traveling back to Tulsa I went by Turkey...of course it was fucking raining...HARD! Here's the latest:I promise it'll rain every fucking day...HARD! I crap you negative.

Lack of riding is forcing people to get shed of good shit, here's a set of Mavic Crossmax Enduro's I got for two bills. They retail for $499 and they've only got about 5 short rides on 'em; I know that 'cause I was with the dude who owned 'em and was with him each and every time.
I didn't need a new set of wheels, but at the current pace that I go thru wheels, or was before the 5 month monsoon season set in, I'll put 'em to good use soon enough.

i'm on a hellbound trail, ahh yeah

2007-06-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

That's the best forecast we've had in over a month, hoo damn am I excited to actually think there might be a chance to ride on something other than a mud pie trail. BTW, when it says 30-40%, that's not a chance of rain, that's how long it'll rain.

Since there hasn't been any riding to be had 'round these parts, the old farts' turned cantankerous. It's got nothing to do with riding but what the fuck, here goes.

Been to a grocery store with the self checkout lanes yet? They're awesome when you just have a few things to get. They are not awesome when some 300# octegenarian parks her ass in front of it without a clue of how to operate it. They should have a sign that reads: "If you can't text message or send an email; don't even think about it." Anyway after getting miffed at the old/fat broad wasting my time @ Li'l Wal-Mart the other day I stopped in an Albertson's on the way home to pick up a few items. Now Albertson's has the right idea; they have a manned bank of the self check-out lanes, big help for the old fucks who don't know what to do. That's not my problem here, my problem was the staff. See this old lady was checking herself out and some young dude with a dust mop comes to clean up some spilled dry spaghetti. I understand that this could be a slip and fall issue but this dipwad was trying to mop up the bits under the old broads feet and repeatedly kept bumping her sneakers sending dust all over them. After he does this a few times I step up and tell him it'd be a LOT FUCKING EASIER if he'd wait until she's done OR ask her to move. He stares at me dumbfoundedly like I'm El Diablo; the old lady says yes just give me a minute and then says thanks to me. Well, I wasn't done and I was pissed so out comes "Oh you're to fucking blame too; why would you come to this line when you don't have a fucking clue how to operate the goddamn thing."

must ride bikes

born with a tail

late update

2007-06-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

We've pretty much fell off the map around here lately. Just a quick update, if anyone hasn't made their way down Lo Chi since we hit it with the saws then check it out. We have yet to fix the major log jam but everything else has been cleared. Thanks to the kind offers of lumber we're going to get that done soon. I think we're actually going to get that giant trunk down on the ground and THEN build the ladder bridge over it. It will take a lot of extra work to lower it but that is what it will take to ensure that it's rideable by everyone. Further down the trail we cleared almost everything out but left a few of the smaller logs for a challenge at Kevin's suggestion. (I'm a big puss and would probably have cleared the entire thing) Apparently the challenge that it's created has gotten some "atta boys" over on MTBR so I'm glad that I listened to him. Yeah, we should have taken some before-n-after pics of everything but that would make this post entirely too interesting. My little boy Jake and his baseball team have been rocking lately and that has taken up every bit of our spare time. The season should be over this week and we'll get him back to the BMX track. Cash has been a bit tight lately so rather than spring for the new cruiser I guess I'm gonna nut up and try the 20" for a while. Maybe, just maybe, I won't be the absolute slowest thing out there. And if I am, oh well. I'll be riding with Jake and that is all that matters. Hope everyone got out to watch at least one event at Tulsa Tough. Sonofabitch those folks are amazing. Sure their fitness is unbelievable but anyone willing to chance crashing at those speeds in their underwear gets a high-five from me.

Go ride,
Buddy

trailwork talk

2007-05-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Wow. We got responses. From 2 folks no less. That's 2 more than I thought read this shit. Seriously though, thanks a lot guys for the input! Really stoked on the free wood offer. (Sweet Jesus that sounded gay) .... My personal opinion on any sort of construction on public property is that it should be as rideable as the rest of the trail it's on. In this case on Lo Chi, I should be able to cruise over it on my singlespeed without feeling the need to unclip to save my ass. I want it to flow like the rest of the trail and not be an obstacle. If someone wants to do something with the rest of that giant fallen tree (ie: log ride, skinnies, etc...) I couldn't be more indifferent. I enjoy the overall flow and sustainablity of a well built trail. Riding a balance beam just isn't my cup o' tea. But I digress... the kungFUbiking trail maitenance team will be heading down to Lo Chi sometime this weekend to clear the obvious stuff. We will evaluate the bigger obstacles and try to determine whether a bridge or a rerouting of the trail is required. Again, big thanks for the input and offers. Stay in touch and we will get something going.

Drink up,
Buddy

response requested

2007-05-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

Last week when I rode Turkey there were 2 very large trees down across Lo Chi. I really dig that short little trail and I'd like to get out there and fix that. Maybe this weekend. If anyone knows whether or not this has already been done and to what extent I'd appreciate the comments.

Why do I ask? Why not just swing by on my way home from work, stroll down the trails, and see for myself? Walk into those woods, dressed for the office, no bike...? Riiiight. I'm not against the homos but I'd rather not appear to be trying out for the team.

If anyone has info on the current trail condition, do your civic duty and pass it on. I'll do my duty and fix 'em.

Let me know,
Buddy

i'd rather watch this

2007-05-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, this whole Landis thing is something that I should have absolutely no opinion on. While I love riding bicycles I have very limited experience actually racing bicycles. Moreover, my results from those races was damn pathetic. I think an elderly man with an oxygen bottle may have passed me at the last, and I do mean LAST, mountain bike race that I did. Maybe it's due to my wimpy asthmatic lungs and maybe I'm just a puss. Despite all of that, do I think that he doped? The lab results sure make it sound that way. The results from a French lab certainly do. Maybe there is a little conspiracy there and maybe not. Whatever the court determines Floyd's victory will always have an asterisk, the purity of pro cycling will always be questioned, and Scott Stapp will always suck.

I think they should fire the whole damn lot of 'em and replace them with the participants of the latest Cycle Messenger World Championship. No police escorts or closing of the roads, no chase vehicles, and no drug policy. The course would not be predetermined. The riders would simply be given a starting point and a final destination. They could come up with their own special stages and the whole thing would end with a giant derby. I'd tune in for that.

Go ride,
Buddy

I usually don't mention these things...

2007-05-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

But I think Floyd is somewhat innocent. Why somewhat? 'Cause he's doing what all the others do and I don't care if they dope or not. But super-high testosterone is common in Americans; just see for yourself here.

If O.J. can get off, Floyd should too! And Floyd, if you need help it's available!

i just couldn't resist

2007-05-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing to say; I would just ruin the editorial cartoons.

ding dong the asshole's dead

2007-05-16T05:06:00.000-07:00

Good riddance.

Televangelist, Christian Leader Jerry Falwell Dies

"I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians, who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who try to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen." ...Falwell's comment after 9/11.

"Christian" leader? Is that a "christian." If it turns out to be then I'm definitely not. Whatever the case, that hate comes 'round don't it Jerry? Enjoy the dirtnap fatass.

I'm no good...you're no better,

Buddy

slow to post

2007-05-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

First things first, I did go to the fancy knee doctor about my ....you guessed it... knee. He said there was definitely something going on in there, duh, but he didn't want to jump right into surgery. He shot some steroids under my kneecap and then gave me a giant rubber band and some exercises to do to pull my kneecap back in line. He gave me a month of that before I see him again. I'm not sure I agree with that but then I'm just an uneducated jackass. I asked him if it was OK to ride in the meantime and he says "Sure, just don't go over any hills." ... Apparently unless you're a college or pro athlete you're just supposed to suck. It did feel better a few days after the shot but it's slowly going back to shit now. The exercises seem sort of pointless. I've been doing 'em but they just seem too easy to do any good.

Sorta gave my 24" cruiser to a kid at the track. He's a good kid and needed one. It's not the nicest race bike around. Just your base level GT Cruiser. Definitely a little heavy and he's changing quite a few things to change that. Once my knee gets better I'll pick up another because, no matter how much I try, I cannot get comfortable on the 20". After spending so much time on 26 and 29" wheels that's just too big a change for me. I'm a pussy like that. Think I'm gonna grab a Felt soon.

On the music front I got my first Supersuckers fan club cd. Rocks as expected. Also picked up a few new discs lately. If you dig rockabilly, psychobilly....whatever phrase floats your boat... then I suggest checking out the Nekromantix. Not bad at all. Goofy looking fuckers but then ain't we all?
If you're in the Oklahoma area and dig AMA Flattrack racing I highly suggest you move your ass to the Lazy E arena this weekend. See www.mkeg.com for details on that. Gonna be a good show.

Who knows, it might actually dry enough here this week to put tires to trail without tearing things up.

Go ride,

Buddy

Welcome to...

2007-05-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

Seattle East!

Fuck it's rained alot 'round these parts lately. It hasn't mattered much to me lately though since I've had little to no time to ride and even littler motivation. My funk is true and can only brighten if the fucking skies clear. See, my bro Stuart's been to hell and back (and even said he saw the grim reaper once) due to two major surgeries all within a month. (Total of 9 surgeries in the last two years; 3 of 'em majors.) While he laid waisting away in Hotel de la St. Francis for 33 of 37 days the family (his wife) turned this turd of a problem into a major D R A M A!!! While recuperating from his first surgery he said how happy he was he'd started mountain biking; it seems it's the only thing he's found that totally wipes out his work thoughts! I sure hope he can ride again; as it stands now that 5 ride old Specialized Enduro Pro won't see Turkey again unless he decides to go under the knife again and risk having this entire scenario repeat itself. I'll support him either way.

During the drama poor li'l ole me felt obligated to keep the mixed nuts in the can from killing each other and the burden of it all made me snap. El Diablo raised it's head and I partook; and continue even now that he's been out for a few days and seems headed in the right direction.

Oh well; I'll quit again...later. For now; I look forward to riding again with a big ol' fucking dip in. It's been 442 days since I last enjoyed that treat. On the bright side though; shitting has been un-fucking-believably fantastic since I rejoined the redneck fray.

I did get one ride in during this fiasco that included the wife on her new whip and my daughter. It was my wife's 1st time to ride since she went back to college to get her masters degree and her skill level showed it. She was quite embarrassed that our 12 year old daughter put it on her and that she actually wiped out on the snake run. In the end she said she enjoyed it and looked forward to riding with the family; and that's what it's all about; gettin' outside with the family or your bro's and having a blast, ragging on each other and eating shit once in awhile.

Outside of trick-fucking there is no finer sport in America.

the knee bone is connected to the ..... nerve endings

2007-04-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally did it. I made the appointment with my doctor today to get the ball rolling on getting my knee fixed. It's gotten so bad that I can't trust it anymore. What's even worse is that I've grown so used to it hurting that when I watch, or read about, someone riding, skating, trickfucking, etc... I don't get inspired to do it myself. I just wince thinking about how much it would hurt. That mentality sucks. I'm not 100% sure what is wrong with it but my doc thinks that it should be a quick fix. It's none of that ACL/MCL type stuff. What happens is that when I get it bent about halfway and try to put pressure through it it feels like there is gravel in it trying to push my knee cap up and away from my leg. Hopefully it will be a quick fix so I can get back to some level of progression and maybe it won't be too financially draining and I can start buying ramp materials soon.

Take care,
Buddy

inspiration

2007-04-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

Just got the latest issue of Juice in the mail this week. I've only had time to read the interview with Mike Vallely so far but that was all it took to get me motivated to get off my ass. Off my ass to do what? Everything. Number one though is to get back to cleaning the shop so that ramp construction may finally begin. Not only do I want my boy Jake to know the simple fun of skating but I want him to have a connection to the personalities and culture that it is. Even though he's only 6 I can tell that he will really enjoy everything about it. So Dave, if you're reading, I haven't forgotten. We're just buried under little league and BMX. It's gonna get done though. Gonna MAKE time.

Buddy

NEWS ALERT: WANTED!!!

2007-04-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

For destroying Easter! The Easter Bunny is dead!
I'm not sure when it went down, but it went down and thru a varmint who then shat it upon thy trail. Thankfully it was found the day AFTER Easter.

Nice little find on this trail:

And this'd be a nice trail nugget if it wasn't 40 freakin' degrees!

You hit this baby at top speed; the map said creek crossing and I suspected it would be the typical right angle crossing but as you can see you ride along the creek which creates a wall of water that I got to ride thru. Oh well it was worth the 30 second high speed descent with a few small jumps along the way.

A couple of rants:

If you're going to have a race, don't do it on Easter! The promoter gets hosed and of course people bitch because the turn out is so low. Duh you dumb mother fuckers! RACE VIDEO
If you use the digital camera put new batteries in it when they run out! That way when I take said camera on a trip it'll actually work and I won't have to use the tinker toy camera attached to my cell phone.

And lastly and in cahoots with Buddy's last post:

I'd always thought that to be a fast mountain biker who could climb shit you really needed to clip in. (It's the only way I could ever garner any speed and climb molehills.) But last week after a meeting in Arkansas I went for a ride with a co-worker who races BMX named Ronny and his friend. (Who's name's lost on me; let's go with Animal.) We rode the Lake Fayetteville trail which if rode clockwise is a fun trail that's 90% downhill. Well Ronny and Animal decide to take me the opposite way which makes it about a 4 mile sufferfest of a fucking climb; not too steep mind you but constantly up-fucking-hill. NO FUN WHATSOEVER. Of course being old school BMX'ers they didn't clip in and as you can probably guess Animal cleaned everything while Ronny cleared almost everything, and I walked/pushed quite a bit. About 80% of the way thru the trail I got my whine on and bitched 'em out; I'm sure they were just trying to punish me...and they did...the fuckers. I was worked and spewed things like: "DID YOU SEE THE OTHER 50 FUCKING RIDERS WHO PASSED BY GOING THE OTHER FUCKING WAY? KNOW WHY THEY FUCKING DO THAT? 'CAUSE IT'S FUCKING FUN TO GO DOWNHILL!" Asswipes. Anyway, I'd told them to come to Tulsa for some Turkey fun and they said they would. I'd originally thought I'd start them out on some beginner trails but after this ass whoopin' it'll be straight to Hi Chi and over to Millennium. Turnabout is fair play. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. They better sleep with one eye up for awhile.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A SLOW TECHNICAL RIDER SCORNED!!!

Supa Nationals ... Daaaaamn Right

2007-04-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

My little boy Jake raced the ABA "Super National" in Desoto, Texas this weekend and had a blast. Friday was practice with a pre-race Friday night. It rained so much I thought that Noah was fixing to cruise by any minute but thanks to the wonderful covered facility of the Metroplex there in Desoto the races didn't miss a beat. Due to the water running through staging the gate may have gotten a little wet but hell, it does have "motocross" in the name, a little adversity thrown down by Ma Nature is good.

Speaking of doing good I couldn't be more proud of Jake. I don't say that because he killed everyone in the results but because of the whole package that he is. While he did ride really good and made 2 mains over the weekend (winning one qualifier to do it) it was his attitude off the track that I was really stoked on. On the track I could tell he was giving it his all while still remaining smooth. Off the track he played, made friends, and did what all little kids should do....some of you bmx nazi dad's should pay attention here.... He had fun! What a cool little dude.

I gotta take a minute here to say that I really think 6 year olds running clipless pedals on their BMX bikes is ridiculous. Hell, I think clipless pedals even being allowed in BMX for any age is worth questioning. Sure everyone goes faster but the racing just isn't as carefree as it should be. To me it takes the fun out of banging bars in the corners for fear of unclipping and it limits the amount of progression in riding due to the fear of NOT unclipping. Right now Jake may be at a disadvantage on the starts but we ain't doing this for results in 6I. I'd rather see him progress his riding, learn how to race in the corners, jump, manual, etc... Him having fun and progressing as a rider is why we do this stuff. I figure whenever results are important enough to him that he feels he needs to clip in he'll really do well. Or he won't....and we'll still have a blast riding bicycles together.

Do something fun with your kids. They're probably way cooler than you are. I know mine is.
Buddy

yes i was wearing a helmet

2007-03-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately not only do those little mushroom headed bicycle helmets look dorky as hell they just don't cover much. Nonetheless I'm glad that I was wearing it. 10-11 stitches on the inside and 7 on the outside. Sucks because me and the Slayer were working perfectly up until the lights got turned out.

Go ride. Wear your helmet.

Buddy

i have a weapon in my pants

2007-03-09T05:13:00.000-08:00

Before I explain that ignorant title, I'm damn sure glad to hear that my bro Kevin is alright after the fender bender. Can't wait to hear his tales of beating the rental car like a stubborn mule. And now, more mindless blabbering bullshit...

A few nights ago we got a call at our house from the Dove Foundation. Ever heard of these uptight jackasses? http://www.dove.org/ The first thing the frigid cunt on the other end of the phone asks me is “Can I speak to the lady of the house?” Had I been thinking I would have, in the deepest voice possible, replied with a simple “Speaking.” But I wasn’t on my A-game, told her that the lady of the house was busy, and asked if I could help. Again she says “Is the lady of the house available.” Again I tell her “Nope” and ask if she wants to relay a message. Well I guess Queen Dead-in-bed decided that I’d do and proceeded to read some prepared questions to me. She basically wanted to know if I agreed that Hollywood made too many R rated movies and not enough G rated ones. I told her “No” and that I didn’t really care. She then read another prepared question that basically asked the same thing. Again I told her “no” and again she tried to get me to agree with her. Normally this is the point when I get all creepy and start asking the phone solicitor specific questions about what kind of panties she has on. (this works great by the way) But like I said, I wasn’t on my A-game and by this time she’d pissed me of anyway. I told her that our kid does more than sit around and watch movies, he’s seen his fair share of cutesy ones lately, and that the wife and I dig movies for us too. Obviously this solicitation for poll results that they can manipulate was coming up empty handed and the phone call ended quickly thereafter. This poor lady needs to get fucked. And I don’t mean “get fucked” in the sense that I wish bad things for her. I mean she really needs to get fucked. And well.

Organizations like this confuse the hell outa me. Take the movie rating system for instance. Why is sex considered more evil and wrong than killing someone? You can go to any theatre (or hell you can just watch tv) and see folks get mutilated 100 different ways on any day. Just make sure that the murder victims aren’t too naked or sexed up because that’d require a higher rating. Penetration by some dude’s hawg is vulgar but penetration by a knife? Totally cool. ... WTF?

So why the fuck am I again posting on this here bike blog about something that has absolutely nothing to bikes? Well, the real reason is because this was meant to be a post about the freshly redesigned backyard bmx track but the sun went down before I got pics last night. But a more noble answer? Because maybe I hope that by some strange chance just one of the folks from the Dove Foundation, through my shitty writing, will see the light, take all of that energy, and put it into something more worthwhile. Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are put out how about trying something a little more helpful? There are millions of kids out there who are hungry, sick, neglected, abused, etc… Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are offered to little Johnny Suburbia why not concentrate on things like that?

And by the even greater chance this is being read by the specific ice queen who rang my digits the other night… Good luck with that orgasm and all of its “evil” sweetness.

Go ride,
Buddy

fupped duck

2007-03-07T20:08:00.000-08:00

Fucked up has been my life lately. Not necessarily in a bad way; just an odd way. Take for instance the month of February. The shortest work month worked out to be my highest business travel month ever. I drove over 2800 working miles all in 20 days. Add in the fact that I probably spent 7 or so days in the office then the miles per day gets way out of whack.

It leads me to this:

That's right, free me! It's not all bad though, I still probably fit in a good 8-10 rides this month so I'm not complaining too much. Besides, I rode with my Bro several times and actually rode with a few old bro's too. But all this travel has paid off in spades on the business side. If all goes as planned we should have about a 25% growth spurt this year.

Speaking of spurts...I just passed my 43rd b-day and didn't get a single one. The b-day day was planned for a ride with Stacy & Justin, haven't heard of them in awhile eh? I got the ride in but just a few minutes into it the wife text messaged me saying the oldest kid was sick and our plans of a "fun" day were dashed upon the rock of puking kid.

Oh well, as always it could be worse. (But I do think I now hold the record for the most consecutive shitty birthdays!) Like I said it could've been an "Holy Shit!" day:

My "Holy Shit!" day came four days after my birthday!

Still it could be worse, and hopefully the doc doesn't tell me today that it is.

is that the ..... sun?

2007-02-22T04:16:00.000-08:00

We finally got a break in both the cold and the moisture here in Okieland and we have taken full fucking advantage of that. Sunday we rode 100's and had a blast. I rode Grant's 100 with full dirt track tires on the nicely prepped 2nd gear oval for just a few laps and I'm hooked again. Gonna take the knobby tire of the rear of mine and throw a dirt track tire back on a la American Supercamp. (ok, a bit of a confession here...i can't figure out how to hyperlink. i don't know if it has something to do with Kevin being the original owner of this account or what but i've tried to follow blogger's instructions and the buttons they tell me to use don't exist on my log-in. ... so forgive me for being outdated and retarded) ... Where was I? AH!! American Supercamp! Check it: http://www.americansupercamp.com . I haven't been but Grant has and he's conveyed a ton of great info that translates to all kinds of riding with or without motors. I wish I had some cool pics to post of this weekend's session but I only have this one from a few months back when things were still green. That's Van tryin' to figure out if he's got what it takes to ride Jake's bike while I gas up the hunerd.

Speakin' of Jake I busted him outa kindergarten Monday afternoon to ride dirt bikes. A very cool day indeed. Here he be lookin' smooth. Again, this pic from the same day as the other.

Tuesday the BMX track was finally dry enough for the kids to practice on and they all had a blast. It's nice to be back in the swing of things. On the way there I swung by T-Town and picked up a light. I threw it on the Rig last night for a nice backroad ride to blow some cobwebs outa my chicken legs. You'd think with a name like NiteRider it would talk to you or somethin' but no dice. Turns out it's just a light. Oh well. Works good.

And last but definitely not least, I finally got off my ass and sent my payment in for a membership to the P.I.T. Hot damn! I had heard enough of cool bootleg cd's and other things that i was missing out on. Now I've got 3 years worth of it on the way.

Long live the Evil Powers of Rock-n-Roll!!!

Buddy

hobos vs. huckers

2007-02-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

Kevin recently sent me a post from some local mountainbike forum thingy. (i have no idea where these things are) Our local trail spot, Turkey Mountain, caters to all sorts. Folks take their kids out there for nature walks. Some people actually trailer their horses there to ride. (Why people bring horses INTO the city to ride is beyond me.) But bikes are the main mode of transportation and this is especially so the further you get from the main parking lot. Another thing that gathers further away? Hobos. Being a fan of Kerouac, I'm a fan of hobos. In fact, I prefer the term "hobo" to "bum". "Bums" stand on street corners and ask for you to sustain them. "Hobos" do their own thing further away from the public eye and generally sustain themselves. ... What was I talking about? .... Oh yeah, the forum post. It turns out this kind biker noticed that the shady stunts near hoboland were beginning to disappear. At the same time this kind biker noticed a new inhabitant to hoboland always had a nice big fire. It's been damn cold 'round here lately and hobo's gotta stay warm too. Why am I describing this particular bike as "kind"? Well, while he doesn't personally partake in the stunts he put a warning on the board to those who do that they might wanna check things out pre-huck to make sure that part of their ramps hadn't become firewood. Very cool of him.

Now this is obviously kindling (notice the pun?) for a big discussion. Who is in the wrong? Is el hobo wrong for dismantling the stunts? I'm sure plenty will say that he is. But these stunts were mainly built from discarded pallets from the Pepsi plant which backs up to the woods. They were built "illegally" too. I'm not even going to debate the wrong-or-right-ness of that because I couldn't give 2 pinches of monkey shit whether or not someone builds these things. To each his own and I enjoy the easier ones from time to time. Anyway, the way I see it, 20 years ago, before this whole freeride thing existed, those pallets would have went straight from the back of the Pepsi plant to the hobos fire. Keepin' his toes warm and maybe heatin' up a can o' beans. Now the lifecycle of the pallets simply has an extra step. They go from the back of the Pepsi plant, some folks ride their bikes on them, then firewood. Pallets enjoyed by 2 tribes instead of 1. Now I'm sure everyone doesn't share my hippy view of world peace and whatnot. That's cool and they can preach the opposite on their own little soapbox on the side of the info-supa-highway. But when it's this cold outside, if someone's recreational toys get destroyed to keep a brotha' alive... How can you bitch about that? If you can afford a bike to ride on those stunts, you can afford to rebuild them occasionally.

Be careful out there,
Buddy

a real Hot Wheels car

2007-02-05T05:12:00.000-08:00

Click el title-o for a great post-o from senor Coop.

Yes THAT is a post about hot rods.

Yes THIS is a blog that is sort of loosely based around bicycles. Sort of. Sometimes. Unfortunately the weather has been too shitty for too long around here to get stoked on bicycles or anything else outdoors for that matter. Go ahead. You folks from cold climates can rail down on my lightweight ass right now about how much colder, snowier, and all aroudn shittier the conditions are where you live but you ride anyway blah blah blah.... That's great. I'm happy for ya. You are so hardcore. Me? Not so much. Usually when it gets cold and icey here in Okieland it's gone the next week. One week it's in the teens with ice and the next it's in the 60's. Therefore I've never invested in much cold weather cycling gear. One more winter like this and I will though. Until then, I'm checking out hot rod stuff. Those of you who ARE riding bikes in it? Good for ya.

You go ride...I'll just drink,
Buddy

think your bad?

2007-01-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

Remember Dave? aka Whistler? Remember how I said he was tough and a hell of a strong rider? Come to find out he's a tad bit tougher than I'd originally thought, check this email out:

I guess I need to learn to listen better. The doctor had told me to watch my shoulder after my bike accident. I thought since it had been a couple of years I could start working towards building the muscle back. So I decided I would go back to doing pull ups. During my third set last night I heard a pop. When I got down my arm is about 1/2" lower than it was. I now have an unsightly bump. A lot worse than I already had. I guess I ripped my muscle. So my pull up days must be over. It does not hurt, but it feels awkward. And is tender as hell.
But I am still up for mountain biking Saturday.

David

E-fucking-gads! He's not just an animal, he's a crazy animal!

git-r-done

2007-01-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

While I struggle with whether or not Larry the Cable Guy's funny; I do know his mantra fits this scenario.

When: Friday Jan. 12th, 2007, 4:00 p.m.

Weather: 20°, sleet, freezing rain

Roads: Treacherous

This guy's gittin' er done:

Nice crack in the windshield eh? Got that from the last snow storm we had.

Bad picture? I don't think so, that's how fucking nasty it was Friday.

This ain't no picture of no DUI addict who has to ride his bike; no this guy chose this. He's got all the gear and I guess the right mindset. Me? Hell no. I sometimes get off on the pain cycling induces but I would never attempt this.

asswiper

2007-01-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

The kickass wife got me this for Christmas:

This guy rules the entire show; well him and Romaniuk. He's 38 and RIPS! His name is Randy Spangler, forever known to me now as Randy "Fucking" Spangler. He's the type of guy you wanna ride with, cool as a cuke and happy to be on two wheels. And to make things even better he's sponsored by Santa Cruz. Guys like this make me wanna buy more SC products just so they can keep supporting him.

This guy, Nathan Greenwood, just about ruins the entire 2 disc set. This asswipe needs a manpon. Why he even saddles up is a guess. He whines for two discs. After Darren Berrecloth leaves he say he's not "impressed"! What? DB kills it and works his ass off repeatedly and eats shit regularly for his efforts. Sadly he's sponsored by Santa Cruz; hopefully that'll all change when his contract is up 'cause he makes me not wanna spend money with SC.

Evidently I'm not alone:

Read HERE

And HERE.

I guess watching this season just proves the fact that good rides are made better with good buddies, and much shittier with dickheads.

And Nate pal, you're a fucking dickhead.

more morford

2007-01-11T06:50:00.000-08:00

Morford writes some great articles and this is one of his better ones. (click the title to check it out)

I don't like cottage cheese but I don't care if others do. ...as long as they don't make me eat it.

who cares?
Buddy

bike path

2007-01-10T04:42:00.000-08:00

I say path because trail is maybe a bit strong of a word. The word trail to most riders means something well established, possibly even improved. While I've been putting in a lot of work to make a rideable loop around our property I have really done little more than look for the path of least resistance and remove just enough limbs and ground clutter to make it passable. Sometimes that path was already established by cows and at others it was worn deep into the ground by motorcycles and ATV's. Here are some random pics:

Obviously this is a cow trail. I just linked up to it.

Nice little swoopy section of old moto trails. The pic doesn't show how cool the berms are but they are there.

Again, the pic doesn't really do the elevation change justice. I made that bridge about 1 year ago but I'm just now getting back around to connecting it. Considering the speed you hit it with it could be wider but what's the fun in that? ... And now that I've made that dumbass comment it's only a matter of time before I post on here about eating shit on it.

Just a cool berm with some nice buffed singletrack.

Ah, another crash site that I built about 1 year ago. This old tree actually fell across an area that is continually wet. If the trail were to stay on the ground here it would take some serious armoring. In this case, Ma Nature built a bridge.

As you can tell I was running out of light for the pics. Maybe I'll take some more later.

Go ride,
Buddy

great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts

2007-01-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

Thats what the trails were like tonight! Green, slimy balls of accident waiting to happen and happen it did. Went for another ride with the brother and hit boner and ridge again. Boner put it on him first and me second. As long as the trail was going down the hill things were good, once it went up it was a bruising struggle and Stuart had his first decent wreck. When I stopped to look back I saw his bike facing backwards and him entertwined. IT WAS COOL! Of course a minute after his I injected my Captain Catapult tactics in so he could get a laugh. IT WAS UNCOOL! It is how I do though.

To make the ride cooler I got my first night ride in. Here's a camera pic.

All I can say about riding with lights is that it that shit should be illegal.

10 Days in Paradise

2007-01-04T12:06:00.000-08:00

Not quite but the original goal was to ride 10 times in 10 days (December 22nd thru January 2nd; and no I didn’t quite make that goal. I did however have tons of fun on two wheels many times....like this:

Ride 1: December 23rd, 2006: Rode the Heckler with the church group I’d mentioned before. Quite a bit of fun had with these guys; 2 new and 2 of us who’d been riding for awhile. The funny aside is that the day before this ride I was told that the other veteran rider had really put it on me when we’d rode before. I mentioned that I was actually at the back of the pack helping a newbie; trust me I’ll always admit an ass whoopin’. Anyway after being told he’d put it on me I chased him all over Turkey for 2 hours and then ripped it going down lip buster. When I met up with the vet later in the parking lot he said that he was impressed that I’d gone so fast down the trail. (Here comes my blunder.) I reply, and remember this is a church group ride, “Hah, you should see this mother fucker I ride with (Buddy); I couldn’t keep up with him going down this hill when he was on his rigid!” The old church vets eyes were aglitter with prayer for a moment and I of course apologized. Sorry Bob.

Ride 2: December 24th, 2006: Rode the Bianchi for 35cold fucking miles. Neoprene booties were ordered upon my return.

Ride 3: December 26th, 2006: 10 mile grocery store/neighborhood trail ride on the rigid Giant
Ride 4: December 27th, 2006: Here’s where the fun begins! My first ride with Ralphie boy in almost a year and he did great. I wish I could ride a trail like he runs one. He takes the tough lines over all the big rocks and bunny/dog hops all puddles. He’s even got trail etiquette; he shit twice and both times was off to the side of the trail. Man the Heckler's doing me right; I love this bike.

Ride 5, December 28th, 2006: Time for a little SS action on the Fetish with the Bro on his first off-road ride on his new bike! He was a little timid which is to be expected but I think he did great. I’m always wondering after someone’s inaugural ride if they enjoyed it. Bro says when done for me to call him when I’m ready to go again and I tell him to call me ‘cause I’m almost always ready; he replies back: “How ‘bout tomorrow!” Now that’s stoked.
Ride 6, December 29th, 2006: More SS action w/Bro again. This time he gets him some of the Boner trail and back up ridge thru the rock garden. This guy has got some gusto. The little techie climb on boner got him fired up and he gave it a few tries, his first session! I tried to capture his first attempt at a jump (about 2 ft. drop) on my cellie but like usual it was a little slow. Good go at it anyway!

Ride 7, December 29th, 2006: Rode w/Emma for almost two hours. (My longest time on the rigid yet.) We hit the trail in light and got back to the car past dark and she loved it. I’m amazed at the instinct to get out of the saddle when necessary. Last year when she rode she was only good for about 45 minutes so I was super stoked that she wanted to ride for a lot longer this year. Hopefully we’ll have tons more rides together this year.

Rides 8, 9, & 10 never occurred. After the ride with Emma the rains came and muddied everything up. And besides the wife had me out furniture shopping which by the way is much more expensive than cycling.

Sadly I didn't get to do my annual solo Greenleaf trip, but if all goes well I've got an epic solo trip coming in February. (I may take Ralphie though.)

jerky anyone

2007-01-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

My grandad owns 80 acres about 6 miles from our house. Ever since I was little he’s told me that eventually it will be mine and to do as I wish with it. Originally he ran cattle on it and there are also a number of oil wells littered throughout. Over the years we have laid out a number of different styles of motorcycle tracks all over the place and I’m currently cutting a trail loop for bicycles. It’s really turning into some nice flowing singletrack and I hope to have the first full loop complete in a few months. (pictures to come)

Unfortunately my grandfather allows a distant relative of mine to keep his cattle over there. The dude doesn’t take the best care of these cows and every few months one dies and lays there until nature disposes of it. Now I grew up with cattle around and I realize that this happens occasionally. However, his rate o’ death is a bit excessive I think. One time I called the local humane society folks about it. They put me in touch with their representative in my area. Turned out that this representative knew the person I was reporting quite well. In fact, they were friends. (So much for the anonymous tip) Needless to say, he continues to lose a few cows a year and all I can do is cross my fingers that the poor bastards don’t lay down to die on my trail.

I spent a lot of time out there over the holidays and I got a LOT of trail established. I also found yet another dead cow. But this one was different. It had some bitchin’ horns and I wanted the skull. The first thing I thought of was simply keeping an eye on it and, in a few months, getting the bare skull once all of the hide and brains rotted away. However, you can’t do that. Coyotes and whatnot will dispose of the carcass but they also might tear up the part that I want. This left me with only one option.

That's right. ... I whooped out my trusty axe and relieved the ol’ boy of his head.

Should make a nice art project once clean. A little random info here in case anyone doesn't know, cow heads full of blood and rotten brains be heavier than one might realize and the smell would knock a maggot off a gut wagon. If you ever take this on, be ready.

Moo,
Buddy

Liquor in the front

2006-12-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

Last year my good friend Steve gave me a bottle of Jager' for Christmas. This year I painted up the empty for him. Hope he digs it. (305 Club = his house, #305) He finally got his new Bianchi San Jose in so I'm swingin' by there today to drop this off and check it out.

Happy Holidays,
Buddy

Christmas List

2006-12-21T04:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah. I realize posting a Christmas list on this blog goes against the normal blasphemy and skepticism we occasionally throw around but let's not get crazy. We still like gettin' presents an' shit. So without further ado, here are some last minute gift items if anyone was wondering:

Mary Bars from On One in the UK. The Fisher needs these in a bad way. The bars that are currently on it are straighter than my cock on prom night and I don't know of anyone who likes that. ... Anyway, I had a set of Mary Bars on my first singlespeed and loved 'em. If you've never tried a set I highly recommend it. (for what my recommendation is worth)

A Mcleod. I'm currently building a new trail loop on our land and after seeing these babies on the IMBA website the look hamn dandy.

No. Not 4 dudes and a Dodge. (although the Charger would be cool) What I'd like is a membership to the PIT, the fanclub for the greatest rock-n-roll band in the world... The Supersuckers. (preferably a Gold Top one) I'm not usually one for fan clubs/autograph type shit but being a member of this one gives you some damn fine perks. Check it out: http://www.supersuckers.com/fanclub.php Not sure why I haven't already done this myself.

Not just regular suckers. Suckers laced with Percocet and a center that smells like poontang. Let me know if anyone finds these.

Well, there ya go. Answers to questions that nobody had. Exactly what this blog excels at.

HofuckingHo,
Buddy

godspeed

2006-12-18T04:48:00.000-08:00

The motocross world, and the world in general, lost an icon. Marty Moates, the first American to whoop all Euro dog asses at the 500cc USGP on a privateer LOP Yamaha, decided it was time to get on with other things. www.martymoates.com Suicide is a strange thing. Some cultures consider you damned for it while others think of it as a respectable and romantic way to end things. Being that I have a dear friend who chose this particular route to ...wherever... not long ago I tend to go with the latter. We all ride our own little crazy train to one place or another. Sometimes it slows down at the station and we step off when asked. Other times it just keeps accelerating until you gotta bail on your own.

Mr. Moates delivering cool stuff to little kids who need cool stuff.

Mr. Moates delivering the historic ass whooping.

Make it count,
Buddy

i should've listened....

2006-12-10T16:10:00.000-08:00

To my own advice. See Buddy asked me just last Friday how to keep his feet warm when it's cold and I replied with the ghetto way of ye olde Wal-Mart bags over the socks and in the shoes. It's not the best system but it's liveable; anyway I head to Keystone Sunday with the temps in the 40's but knowing that there was still snow on the ground. And to my thinking 40's=warm so I'll be OK and don't need to bag the feet; however that there snow is wet and when the feet get wet I get to whining; so after about an hour and a half of riding and many dabs & hike a bikes my shoes, socks, and spirits were soaked and freezing.

What'd happened is the show'd been on the ground for 11 days and was finally too tempting to not go give 'er a try; and man was it fun. I was surprised how much traction I had in most situations and surprised how little I had when the trails went uphill any at all. To make any little elevation I felt like I was throwing my body all over the bike to just scratch upwards a few feet. I do feel guilty 'cause the trails were saturated in places and I left deep ruts but I'm also a realist and know that it'll go away in time. (riding on wet trails is a debate for other people)

I took the pic's with my trusty camera phone so the qualities not too good.

Funny how in some places you could still see the rocks under the snow and in others they totally disappeared.

It may be gay but I can never take pic's without getting a pic of her.

When there's snow on the ground and the sign says caution, they mean it.

bored out of my G O U R D!

2006-12-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

While Buddy's "Broke As a Joke" I'm here at the computer on Saturday night; the kids are in bed, the wife's in the tub, we've just seen the Xmas Parade and this thing is always loud and cool.

Nothing big tonight but I did find a couple of links to follow; first I wanna ride with these guys just cause they got cold ass posters. (Click-it to follow-it.)

And another. Man did I love Smokey & the Bandit. "I said give me a diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper! And make it snappy...I'm in a goddamned hurry!"

Who am I kidding? It's still one of the greatest movies of all time!

And finally, life is weird if you pay attention. Click Miss Julie for her latest happenin's:

I'm gonna get me some leftover snow ridin' tomorrow. I'll report just how it went down later. (Maybe)

a brave new world?

2006-12-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

OK, maybe most of you have seen/heard this already. Here's the full story: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/P/PLANE_PASSING_GAS?SITE=ORPEN&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

The short version? Some chick was on a plane, farted, then lit a match to cover it up. This caused the plane to make an emergency landing, the FBI was involved, luggage was screened, etc...

Any dude that did this would be held in the highest reagrd by his friends. I know of a guy who once farted in elevator and made the woman in there with him, a complete stranger, puke. That's the top o' the charts in my book. But to be the guy who brought a commercial airliner down by shitting his pants? Wow. Keep a Sharpie handy because you're gonna be signing your autograph more than David Duke at a NASCAR race.

This quote from the article deserves some attention: "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up." .... Really? Because I think it's unusual that they would GROUND A PLANE and involve the FB-fucking-I because someone lit a match. Maybe that's just me?

?
Buddy

broke as a joke?

2006-12-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

Man, what kind of dumb fucking analogy is that? Sure it rhymes but simply rhyming doesn't do it. In fact it makes it a bit dorkier. First things first, a good saying/analogy has to draw a picture. For instance:

"Slicker than cum on a gold tooth." While I've never dated a chick with a gold tooth...I can imagine this.

"Shaking like a dog trying to shit a peach pit." Never personally experienced this one either. Although Kevin actually has a peach tree in his back yard AND a dog who eats them peaches and he assures me this makes perfect sense.

What brought this on? No idea. Since this is a completely pointless post, as they really all are, how about a girly shot?

Now I don't like to use pics without noting where I found them but I simply can't remember where I snagged this one. I know the 'net surf session started out checking out hot rod sites, as many often do, and one of my favorite jumping off points is http://www.roaddevils.com/. Check it out. If anyone finds the specific site this photo resides at lemme know and I'll hook 'em up with a link too. ...and with the overwhelming amount of folks that come to kungfubiking I'm sure that they will see people flocking to their site like hobos to a pot of stew. .... See? That shit works

Buddy

the uncalled for 720

2006-12-03T13:10:00.000-08:00

We don't get much snow/any in OK; so when we do we go big mountian riding with the locals.

My kids and I sessioned this baby for awhile and had a blast. My first run with Isabel got a little woolly when dad decided he'd stick a foot out in an effort to steer; the resulting 720 was totally out of left field and happened so quick you guessed it; it made my head spin! Of course the other result was dad having by far the biggest yardsale of the day. I got a high-five from another dad at the top for my quality ragdoll too.

Anyway I hope all are enjoying this rare treat and for each dude out there I hope there wives become temporary snowblowers.

who's qualifyin' now bitches?

2006-11-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

You've all seen them. Those assholes who have the "I'm not speeding I'm qualifying" stickers. It's usually right next to the Dubya sticker. Well, today we got a good old fashioned Oklahoma ice storm. We don't get good snow very often. Just this shitty ice we have today. Starts out as rain, turns to sleet, and whatever is on the ground glazes over. It's bumpy so it sucks for sledding, you can't make snow forts out of it, and the rednecks around here with giant SUV's damn sure can't drive on it. I'm not a speeder and I usually get blown off the road. Well, not today my friends. Today, when it actually takes some skill to go fast, I was the one qualifying and qualify I did. No semis and no LCQ's, I went straight to the main outa heat numero uno. Normally the most entertaining part of my 42 mile commute is NPR but today it was 4 wheel drifts and e-brake turns. Hey BillyRoy, maybe you need a bigger truck, eh?

Keep it pinned,
Buddy

maybe it's just the weather...

2006-11-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

...….but damn I wanna build an indoor BMX track so bad I can hardly stand it. Nothing huge. Not only would it be cool for our own use but for other folks as well during crappy weather like we're having now. I couldn't open it to the general public but would be more than willing to have an open invite to the folks at our local track. Just a simple poll barn with enough room for 3 short straights. They don’t have to be wide either. A cozy little 2-man style set-up will do. Something like the pic below.

Yes. I know. I have the ramp project in the shop to do before this but I'm just thinking out loud. If anyone has any info on the cost per square foot of a simple tin pole barn feel free to leave it in the comments section. I'm sure it's easy enough to find but I'm lazy today. If you dig the pic above there are plenty more like it on www.bmxnews.com in the photos section under "DC Trails Race."

Speaking of BMX, as that's all this post is doing, my boy Jake raced in the ABA Grands here in Tulsa for his second time last week. He was in the 6 Intermediate class. While he didn't make it out of his qualifiers he did ride as hard as he could, had a good time, and pulled off the track with a big ol' smile every time. That is what I call success right there. His mom and I are annoyingly proud as usual.

Stay warm,
Buddy

me convertible?....nah

2006-11-20T06:29:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning I went for a ride with a local church group; yes I, he of little faith rode with a church group. I got to the trails at 8 a.m. which is a few hours before they arrived to stretch the legs and enjoy the brisk 34° weather. Upon arrival and before heading out a blessing was said for safety and for the bikes! So I proceeded to ride for the next hour with a blessed bike! It was a group of the "haves" and the "have-nots", there were some experienced riders and some newbie's, some cool bikes and some old rigids; no-one seemed to care. Anyway the riding was pretty good.

The wife has a fear though, and that is that they are out to get me, to get me to convert to one of them; a regular churchgoer, a Wednesday night-Sunday morning parishioner, a 10% donator. She thinks Chris, the rider I met who was on a Santa Cruz Blur, is a spy. She thinks they sent a guy out that is like me, who rides the same brand bike to buddy up with me and get me to church. Well....I've got news; maybe I'll be working on Chris trying to show him the light and bring him over to the darkside. Show him how great Sunday morning rides are, how fantastic Turkey Mtn. is on a Sunday morning when everyone else is at church and get him interested in the more important things in life. Bikes, booze, and boobs!

One last thing; I had to spend 7.5 hours wearing a orange vest and carrying a walkie-talkie around my daughters soccer tournament being a Marshall. Needless to say I was disappointed to not get a badge and pistol. Anyway, it was cold, wicked cold, tiring, boring, and lonely all at the same time. But, during the last game everyone was murmuring about how Garth Brooks was on the other field and didn't want to be "disturbed" watching his daughters' game. Well, me being me just strolled over during halftime of my daughters 2nd game and started chatting to some other guy (evidently Marshall's are respected) about the weather and other crap and Garth just strolls up and starts chatting with me. We talked for about 5 minutes or so then I go on to talk to the coach and make sure everything's OK in his world and do my duties and then begin to stroll back to my post at my daughters' game and once again he chats me up. I'd always thought he'd be a big ol' dick since he came off as such an ass kisser in interviews but come to find out he's just a regular old guy who probably really wants to be left the fuck alone like the rest of us. I should have given him a card for this blog and got him on a mtn. bike instead of a horse. His house is on a couple of hundred acres that'd make a kick ass freeride park.

Party on Garth.

food, shelter, & bikes

2006-11-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

This is a good read. http://www.circleacycles.com/web/anarchism.asp They make some damn fine bikes too.

Enjoy,
Buddy

not my week for credit cards

2006-11-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

2 posts in a row concerning credit cards...this should tell me something.

Last month I missed the payment for our credit card. Totally missed it. Just forgot it, misplaced it, …something. Imagine that. A lady called me on Friday to inquire about it. It just so happens I sent the payment of $160 Friday morning before she called and I told her that. She acted like we were cool like Fonzi.

Fast forward to yesterday. A lady from the same compnay calls to tell me that they were reporting me to the credit bureau for my payment being 30 days late. I told her that I had already been contacted and had sent the payment on Friday. She said that may be so but if they didn't receive a payment of $70 in their office by the end of the day then it would be reported. (all with that bullshit "concerned for me" tone) I explained that I had been with their company for years, had no recollection of being late any other time, had sent them a payment of $160, but if they felt that they needed to report me then, by all means, report away. She then told me that I could stop payment on the check I sent and they could do an electronic check over the phone by simply blah blah blah…. I interrupted and told her that was really more trouble than I felt like going to for a check they were more than likely to receive in the next 24 hours. It then went like this:

Bitch: Sir, aren't you concerned about your credit?
Me: Nope.
Bitch: I'm really sorry to hear that.
Me: But not sorry enough to NOT report me to the credit bureau?
Bitch: Sir, we have guidelines.
Me: Then I guess you better get to reportin'.
Bitch: Ok. Well sir, I'm really sorry that you're not concerned about your credit. Me: Mmhmm. (click)

What a cunt. A simple "okie dokie" from her would have sufficed. Spare the concerned routine for someone else. As always I thought of all the fun stuff that I should have said for my final comment about a minute too late:

· …and I’m sorry that you sound like you’re a frigid tart.
· You should be stoked. If folks like me weren’t late with their payments, no talent assclowns like you wouldn’t have a job calling us.
· Does this disaster to my credit mean that I’ll quit getting all those credit card offers from other companies?

Oh well.

In the red,
Buddy

confetti anyone?

2006-11-14T04:27:00.000-08:00

If any of the people reading this are by chance one of the same jackasses who applies to random credit card offers sent via US Mail....FUCKING STOP. It's assholes like you that makes those same companies fill my mailbox with their shit. Shit that I have to take the time to shred because some other mouth breather, barely lower than you on the "worth-a-shit" scale, could possibly screw my lackluster credit up with the info inside. Since the offer to loan me money was sent unsolicited I think I should be able to apply, receive said account, max the fucker out, and then never pay it. When approached by the same company about my unpaid balance I should simply be able to say "That's what you get for not being pickier with your bidness partners." I've now begun sending everything right back to them in their postage paid envelopes with the simple note "I'M TIRED OF SHREDDING THIS SHIT." Who knows if that works but it's more fun than trashing it. You'd think in this day and age of conservation and preservation there would be a bigger push against junk mail and the paper resources it devours. Or if that angle doesn't work.... You'd think in this day and age of crazy fuckers walking into businesses with firearms there would be a bigger push against companies not pissing random folks off.

Send it all back,
Buddy

totally off topic

2006-11-13T09:48:00.000-08:00

After 2.5 days in Vegas the following is true:

I won't shit right for a week. (No not like that.) But after multiple comp'd buffets and one night @ Ruth's Chris crapping now feels like a train's being pulled out of my ass instead of my usual nuggets.
If you get ahead of 'em early; gambling is a lot more fun.
11 people in a limo is uncomfortable.
Most old timers that live in Vegas are bitter and should either a.) die or b.) get another fucking job. Your there for me, so kiss my ass and I'll tip you. Whine about how the old days were much better and I'll stiff you. PERIOD!
They should change the name to the "Bloody booger capitol of the world", fuck that's some dry air.
If you get ahead and play it right you can earn enough to cover half of the new FSRxc Pro you'd put on layaway for the wife before you left town. Spec's are here

back to bicycles

2006-11-10T04:35:00.000-08:00

I had a blast at Gold Rush but now it's back to simplicity for another 50 weeks or so until the next one. Probably won't fire up a motor over 100cc's until then. Damn it was fun though. It's not often that one gets to show up with nothing more than a gear bag and race. I was unable to compete in Sunday's Pro event due to me being a huge pussy. It had been 2 years since I really rode anything like that and it showed at the end of Saturday's team events. Nonetheless I was pretty stoked with my pace. We got damn lucky on our random # pick though, eh? That's always cool.

This weekend we're brewing beer at the 305 Club and, depending on the weather, I'm hoping to get a ride in at Turkey on the Slayer. In less than 2 weeks Jake gets to race his 2nd ABA Grands and we're all looking forward to that.

Go ride,
Buddy

worked

2006-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

No no no no no! Not worked but

WORKED!

I decided to take the old Giant ATX 760 rigid for a little ride today. You know how it is; I'll ride the smooth stuff, nothing too harsh, especially since it's only got a 1" steer tube.

RIGHT!

Two hours later I'd ridden the snake run 3 times, the cool ass swoopy shit up top a handful of times, and then down the ridge trail thru the rock garden and over to boner/millennium!

OUCH!

Major props to the originators of this sport for riding rigid.

THAT SHIT HURTS!

BTW, my dream of a step-up on snake run is now realized. It needs work, but it's a work in progress!

Maybe a pic of the Giant and the step-up some day, for now I'm off to Vegas!

nothing a few $$$ won't fix

2006-11-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

Remember this post?
http://kungfubiking.blogspot.com/2006/09/hookin-brotha-up.html
It's about my brother getting his first bike since childhood.

He'd been keeping me informed of how it was going; he was only riding it on the road to get a feel for what riding a bike is like. He soon realized that with his prior back problems that a dual suspension was what he really needed. Thankfully the guys (Jake) at T-Town were down with giving him full trade in price since there were no scratches and it hadn't been off-road. So anyway I arranged a trade date and we arrived with me fully intending for him to add about another G or so and get a FSR-XC. It being a good beginner bike and not that much more expensive. WELL...T-Town was busy when we arrived so I got down the only XL FSR-XC they had in stock. This wasn't the exact model he would get but he could ride it to get a feel for the sizing. While waiting on Jake my bro spies a 2006 Enduro Expert. Yes that bike, the one with the Fox 36 Talas, the one with the DHX 5.0, the one with the Juicy 7 brakes, yes the one with the SRAM x-9 derailleurs & shifters, and yes the one that retails for 3500 smackers. OK, he originally bought a $500 rig and now he's looking at something a "little" bit more. (At least it's little for him.) But one problem, it's only a large and bro's like 6'6" with the ungodly leg length of 38". So we put the two frames side x side and realize that the top tube difference is only about an inch or so. Bro being non-bike savvy points to the stem and gives it a "dang, if only that thingy was longer". Sooo...on goes a 110mm stem, out the door goes the bike for a parking lot test, off one curb, 3 pedal strokes, and one bro looking over his shoulder saying "Yep, this is the one!" gleefully.

The guys at T-Town do it up right and let him have the bike for a total of $2500, so instead of adding 1G he adds 2G's without a sweat. No one asked me but I think that's a banging deal.

I call bro about 3 hours later and ask him if he's ridden it yet or if he's still got it up on a milk crate staring at it. He said he is indeed out in the garage staring at it and will save it for his inaugral ride with me. I tell him to get it out of the garage and ride the bitch around his property; we'll get to the trails in due time. Best part; he called less than 24 hours later and he'd been out on it four times and asking what skills he needed to learn. I tell him the first simple thing is to learn how to raise the front wheel about 6" while seated and while standing so he can get over obstacles without fear. He calls about an hour later and excitedly tells me he's got it and he's had his first crash while riding over rocks on his property.

I hope he sticks with it and loves it like we do. There ain't nothing better than a few bro's riding dirt and passing gas like a pit crew at a Nascar track.

And lastly, remember Buddy's post about McMurtry: http://kungfubiking.blogspot.com/2006/10/mcmurtry-doesnt-rock-it-rolls.html How about a little video action? Right click and download this baby! http://www.pedalmasher.net/mark/stillwater.wmv It's got a little section where I biffed right after telling Buddy I couldn't reply to a question 'cause I needed to "focus". Great timing since I ate shit less than 5 seconds later. (It's the section where the guy spun out & unclipped at 4:50.) At least I had an excuse; my chain popped off due to the mega torque my fat ass was applying. Weirdest thing though, I never let go of the bars or uncllipped during my endo; I just rode the Fetish SS to the ground. BTW, hanging on for dear life doesn't cushion the landing.

Peace out bitches; I'm off to Vegas!

hot damn i is alive

2006-11-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

I did it. I flew. Well, actually I just sat there. The pilot did all the flying. The cool part is that I think I may be on my way to ridding myself of one ridiculous phobia. Now maybe I'm just thinking it isn't that scary because there is no immediate reason for me to fly anywhere soon...but I do feel MUCH more relaxed about it. Vodka is a great thing too. You can pour it into a regular water bottle and drink away right up to the point where they make your trash it at security. One odd thing, on the flight back we weren't even backed away from the terminal when the flight attendant came up and asked me to turn my ipod off. ??? This is not comforting. The thought that my ipod can somehow bring the plane down doesn't necessarily instill confidence. (maybe someone should alert bush's dumb ass that we only need to find a way to place ipods on our enemy's aircraft) Not to mention that take-off is one of the parts of flying where I could REALLY use me some Lemmy. Nonetheless, there is one of life's little battles won. Overcoming a fear that has kept me from doing cool stuff is a great thing. I'm far from total relaxation with it...but maybe I won't have to be as liquored up next time.

Tonight we party like rockstars. Kindergarten rockstars (it's Jake's 6th birthday party), but rockstars all the same. This weekend we race (previous post). After that it's back to normal days and hopefully more time on the bike. I'll be continuing the cleaning of the shop for the ramp and maybe begin the layout of a 4X style track on our other property. The 4X idea is something that Steve (the operator of our local BMX track) and I have been kicking around. We'll see how it goes.

Live it up,
Buddy

fly, party, race

2006-11-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

This weekend is the annual Gold Rush GP here in Okieland. It's a motorcycle and ATV off-road race that is held at Hallet Raceway. You can find specific info here if you care: http://www.okgoldrush.com/ It's sort of in the spirit of the old Elsinore GP that everyone has seen on On Any Sunday. (if you haven't seen that...DORK) The racecourse changes every year. Each lap usually conists of sections of the road course with trails laid out in the surrounding wooods and one lap usually adds up to somewhere between 7 & 9 miles. Sometimes the stints on the asphalt only last for a corner or two but I personally like it best when we stay on it for a long time. Hopefully that will be the layout again. It's a 2 day event. Day 1 (saturday) is considererd the fun day. That's when the have the 'buddy races'. 2 riders per team for a 3 hour race. You're free to alternate any way you want. This year I'm teamed with my friend Keith on his YZ450 in the bike event. I really appreciate him asking me and offering up his bike for the abuse. We're gonna have fun. Then my friend Lonnie called me and offered me a spot as his teamate in the ATV event. (Just a bit of background, Lonnie runs Sandtrax, builds motors that are faster than a striped-ass-ape, and has helped me out a ton over the years so I'm stoked to be able to ride with him on something he's put together. The quad should be a rocket.) So that's two 3 hour events, albeit split between 2 folks, on Saturday. Then Sunday is the "serious" day. Lonnie has been nice enough to offer me the same 450 ATV for the 2 hour Pro Quad race on Sunday afternoon. This is NOT a team deal. This is bragging rights and cash on the line. If you want to know where you fit in...this is the race to find out. In past years I've went into the pro race on Sunday intending to be one of those up front and possibly one of the guys who might win it. I've missed it the last few due to scheduling conflicts. (the pic is of me from a the race a few years back....and "no" Roll-Offs do not work nearly as well when they string behind you like that)

This year? I haven't ridden anything bigger than my XR100 (other than last weekend) since....? So I'm just going into this sort of like the recent mountainbike race. I'll be givin' it all I got for as long as I can and just see where it all shakes out. ...and I'll be havin' a damn good time regardless. My only promise is that I'll be able to hold my head just a touch higher afterwards since I'm usually a bit better at these things.

Oh and for anyone who thought this is mainly a bicycle blog... It is. And after this "once a year" race I do it will mainly be back to that. ...and music, and skating, and bitching, and whatever else Kevin or I feel like rambling about. Tomorrow I will be drinking little overpriced vodkas on a plane to Houston. Then on Friday (this is where Mr. Optimism says my plane won't crash) I'll be taking a vacation day to get my shit in order for Gold Rush and help prepare for my little boy's birthday party Friday night. Lots to live for there so this pilot better have his fucking A game on.

That is all,
Buddy

dead man riding

2006-10-30T04:37:00.000-08:00

I've found a new trick to progressing one's riding. Motivation thru threat of The Reaper. See, I've got this fear of commercial air travel. When I was a little kid I flew a lot. As I got older I got to thinking about things. I realized that just because a dude has little wings pinned to his chest and his boxers smell like stewardess doesn't necessarily mean he isn't a fuckin' whack job. How do I know that his wife didn't just dump him for the proverbial milkman and he's ready to lawn dart me and the rest of the cattle into mama earth just to make that bitch of his pay? (actually then she would have the milkman AND his life insurance but you know how dudes don't think) I know. This is a stupid fuckin' phobia. Millions of people fly every day and live to tell about it. ...the ones whose planes actually take off and land safely anyway. When they do crash how many folks get to pop that little door open and slide down that inflatable slide? Riiiight. That shit happens. .......... Anyway, what I was originally saying, progression. I've gotta fly to Houston for some stupid engineering forum this Thursday (Nov 2nd). Down and back in one day. Luckily I get to race both motorcycles AND atv's this coming weekend (Nove 4th & 5th) and I'm pumped about that. I can't remember that last time I've even ridden a "real" motorcycle. So this weekend I got to ride with my bro's on our little private piece of land and had a blast. Spent some time getting comfy on the YZ450 I'll be racing. I got so comfortable that I found a gap jump I hadn't hit before. How big? Well, like any guy forced to give you a length without actually measuring I'm gonna err on the side of making me look cool. I think it was around 50-60 ft. Not big by any means on a regular race track. but when you're jumping out of one ditch and over another, you've got an unprepped take off about the width of your tire, the run-up requires dodging a tree or two, and coming up short isn't an option...that distant looks a little more...manly. I rolled over it a couple of times and HERE is where the whole "progression through fear" comes in. I figured I had 2 choices.

#1: I could puss out, not hit it, and die in a plane crash without having done it.

#2: I could hit it, eat shit, and maybe get hurt bad enough that I wouldn't have to fly on Thursday.

Wow. I wish it was this easy to decide what I want at Arbys. This was a no-brainer. I went for it. First one came up just a tad short and caught my rear wheel on the vertical wall of the far side of the ditch. My right wrist and ankle felt it but I rode out of it. I then had to hit it again immediately. The longer you wait the harder it is. I hit it again, this time a little with a little more balls, and was over it easily. Whew! It felt good to push myself. Now if I'm sharing a bottle of vodka with The Reaper at least I can do it with my head a little higher. Shit.

Buddy

ramp project in process

2006-10-25T04:53:00.000-07:00

It's a slow process...but it's started. A little history here. When I was a kid I lived in the same place that I do now. Due to other's misfortune our old house was vacant and when my wife and I first got married we moved into it. Behind that house is a cabinet shop that my dad built. Well, we finally built a new house a few years back, the old one is now gone, but the shop remains. While the house sat vacant all those years the shop did not. It became storage for anything and everything my grandparents didn't want to throw away. (this means everything they came in contact with) The contents of the shop has fluctuated over the years. I've gotten it pretty clean at times only to let it go at others. It's got a lot of my crap in it but there is still tons of...I don't even know what it is. I do know it's gotta go. I've been talking with Dave (see mongolian link to the right) about building a mini and he has been a huge help. Basically this post is for Dave just to prove that I am working on it a little at a time. Here's a pic of the shop as it was Saturday morning:

Yeah I know. Pretty nasty and it's a horrible pic. But now (dave) you get an idea of what I've got going. 30x50 and full of shit. Anyway, I just started grabbing things and throwing them in the truck. All of this was next to the "refreshments" fridge.

Wow. That looks sorta like a problem. .... Anyway, I was able to get 2 loads like this to the dump.

At least having a shithole catch-all like the shop allows me to keep the real garage fairly clean.

Hopefully this weekend I'll have the opportunity to make a few more trips. It's not the fun part of the project but it's gotta be done. Once I get a spot clean I can start annoying Dave again with dimension questions, pool coping questions, and the age old "to skatelite or not to skatelite". But I think I know the answer to that last one.

Buddy

if this is what they consider hard...

2006-10-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

....then I'd say a Viagra salesman could make a KILLING at their wife's next tupperware party.

This is a pic of me from Sunday's race. At the top of this little trail there was some signage indicating which trail was easy and which one was hard. Since this line was considered "hard" it's pretty obvious why no amount of technical ability could make up for my lousy fitness.

Nonetheless, the trails at McMurtry are a blast. This picture is not indicative of how much fun they are. There's a lot of flow hidden back in the woods and I highly recommend them.

Me no train,
Buddy

beat down received

2006-10-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

I did the McMurtry Madness mountain bike race yesterday. Rode the singlespeed. Entered Sport. I think there were somewhere around 6 to 8 dudes in my race. I hit the woods in last much like my duathlon experience. I do better when I get out of the serious folks way and learn what I can. I passed two guys after the first couple of miles. Somewhere on the first lap one of those passed me back as I pushed the bike up a technical little hill that required a much lower gear to clean. I cheered him on and he was very cool. We both agreed that a beer stop in the woods would be nice. This trend continued throughout the short little race. I'd let folks by as they caught me, I'd cheer them on, and sometimes they were cool. I got a kick out of the dudes going by with it turned up to 11. Rock on in the Sport class racer boys. We all suck...but glad you're going for the gold. I'm glad I did it but it was a strange experience. I was surprised by how many dudes were taking things so serious. They'd catch me grunting and wheezing like they were about to die. In fact, as one dude went by he answered my "Lookin' good. Howzit goin'?" by simply saying "suffering." Yeah, well...good luck with that shit. I didn't push that hard. The race was around 16 miles long. I rode around by myself at a comfortable pace and then tried to ride sorta hard for the last 2 miles. This caused my asthma to kick in and me to choke like Mama Cass on a ham sandwich. Pretty damn pathetic. Turns out I don't have the lungs, legs, or (most importantly) the WANT to do that kind of racing. Much respect to those who do. Nonetheless I had a fun day. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, Libbi went with me. We plowed through the Krispy Kremes on the way there and enjoyed a good lunch aftewards. That was cool. As far as me doing another moutainbike race, probably not gonna happen. Sitting in the car waiting for my race seemed ridiculous. Those trails were just sitting out there while I sat around waiting to ride them. All just so I could leave with a bunch of dudes, half of which were in their underwear, at the same time. No thanks.

I'm slow,
Buddy

ain't nothin' but money

2006-10-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Kevin sent me an email with this link
http://www.speedgoat.com/product.asp?part=121795
and the following comment:

"now I know I don't have 2G laying around but I figured you did"

Well, I looked. Nope. No 2G's laying around. Not even 1G. But while I was looking I did find a Sonic peppermint and a Zeke CD under the seat of my truck. Bonus. The deal on the Nomad is a fine one indeed. Ya know, I don't mind bein' regular joe 9 to 5'er. I prefer beer to champagne, I'm scared of flying so the private jet would be wasted, and I'm sure even coked out strippers get annoying after a while. If only the toys were free. Oh well. I'm more than content with the 2 bikes I've got. But if you're not...check out the Nomad deal.

Enjoy,
Buddy

my problems with the cycling community ver. 1.0

2006-10-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

This has been brewing for awhile and came up in conversation again today. I know I probably shouldn't care, especially when it comes to the MS150 which after all is more about raising money than bike riding but you have to at least try to ride it all. I wanna hear a "fuck yeah I'm riding it all, even if it kills me!"

This edited post was taken from an email I sent to Buddy looong time ago, but I saved a copy for days just like today.

There's a mentality that goes on in cycling that disgusts me; and it goes like this.

Kevin: dude, you doing the MS150 this year?
Dude: yea man, it'll be cool
Kevin: have you been riding? i haven't seen you at the organized training rides.
Dude: nah man, i'll just ride as far as i can and sag the rest
Kevin: huh?

Kevin: dude, you doing the HH100 this year?
Dude: yea man, it'll be cool
Kevin: have you been riding?
Dude: nah man, I’ll just ride as far as i can and sag the rest
Kevin: huh? I thought the goal was to man up and ride 100 in the heat?
Dude: we'll see

Whatever happened to commitment? Whatever happened to goals?

Now comes a KICK-ASS wife story that carries the proper attitude:
In 2005 she decides she wants to ride in the Flower Power. It's a ride that originates in Muskogee that David's a big volunteer at, and she decides she wants to ride the 62 mile version. She'd only ridden 20 miles that spring and other than that none since the previous summer. Well it's hot and the route had several climbs, one was probably a half-miler that was freaking' steep, and there was another that's probably 1.5 miles and is a monster. Now she can't make either but on the big long sustained climb she gets off the bike and starts pushing. I'm at the top chatting with David and he goes back to her and see if she wants help. (He's driving the support van.) He pulls up and asks if she wants to put her bike in and get a ride to the top. She tells him to....drum roll please...FUCK OFF!!! She tells him she committed to 62 and by god she'll do 62 without anyone’s help!!!! Yeah BABY! The ordeal damn near killer her but you see she had COMMITTED to it.

I'd have done her on the spot if she'd have let me.

My wife inspires me; these fuckers devastate me.

remember this guy?

2006-10-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

Click the title shit to read the article about brother man Rich from Cali; he of wanton bike desire, he who rocked when forced to rock, he who showed mad skills when he had none, he who just broke his thumb...OFF! That's right, that was the doc's prognosis. I repeat, not broke, but broke off! Here's a few pics:

Now he's got some kick-ass titanium to go along with his kick-ass Serotta!

Seems he was on his lunch group ride doing some high speed descending when he hit an oil spot ala Joseba Beloki in the '03 TdF.

Which caused uni-baller #7 to do this:

Instead of high-siding though he went under the bike and caught himself with his hand until the pain got too grand and he decided to go for the face grind. (Which I've always believed was a much tougher and cooler way to come to a halt.) Know what really sucks when you do shit like this? You gotta ride back. Rich had 5 miles back to the office which he said wasn't too bad; at least not too bad UNTIL he had to cross the railroad tracks! I'm sure that pain made him get the cold chills. Anyway, he made it to the ER at 2:30 and at 6:30 he was in surgery. I guess you get the express treatment when you don't just break a bone, but when you break one off! The doc's determined the surgery was a success but getting him to stay off of a bike will be harder than getting Martha Stewart off on dirty sheets.

Way to go bro; better you than me.

And one last thing; this is oh so sauteed in wrong sauce:

Quit it you fucking morons, quit trying to be so cool, just ride your fucking bike!

As Buddy said before "Don't forget to flip the collar up on your shirt." And as I've said before, you're todays Dick Numero Uno.

making the world a better place

2006-10-17T04:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.skatopiathemovie.com/

You've read about it, you've seen pics... Hell, maybe you're one of the fortunate ones who has actually been there or one of the good folk who has helped build it. Soon we will all be able to get a little slice of it into our dvd players. Watching the world go by from your couch isn't advisable but I see this as inspiration. Inspiration to get more folks to shake a leg and make something fun. This is what I envision for our little 80 acre corner of the world...but for bicycles. (And yes Dave the ramp in the shop. The ramp WILL happen too.) For the bicycles it will be nothing but simple DIY trails. Not big "hucks" and things like that. Sure there will be the occasional ladder bridge and parts where you come off the ground on our trails but only if the flow takes you there. Just dropping off of something to say you did it doesn't mean it's fun or make it feel good. I did some planning this weekend and came up with some cool stuff. I've already got a fun little snake run type trail planned that should take very little effort to bring to life. The snake run then links to some existing cow trails, makes it's way back into some dense woods.... and then it started raining. More trail, and pics of said trail, to come.

Buddy

Pop My Cherry

2006-10-16T04:35:00.000-07:00

This coming weekend, Sunday the 22nd to be exact, is the Tour de Dirt race at McMurtry. This is gonna be my "first" moutain bike race. I put first in quotes because I actually entered a race at Keystone a few years back but only made 1/2 a lap before flatting out. This was back before I carried pump & tube with me at all times. Does a DNF mean it never happened? No. But I didn't get enough to know if I like the taste. This weekend I'll give it another shot. Much like the duathlon I have no idea what to expect. Have no idea how hard to go and when. But then I'm not racing to win. Just racing to race. I'll be riding the Rig but not entering the singlespeed class. I'll just sign up for Sport and give it what I've got on that day. I'm kind of excited in curious sort of way. And to make it even cooler my hottie wife is going with me. I think she's just going for the cheese fries at Joe's aftewards. Can't say I blame her.

Go race?
Buddy

From Ricky Carmichael to Ricky Bobby

2006-10-13T05:01:00.000-07:00

Probably mentioned this on here before but just to refresh... I grew up racing motocross. Lived and breathed it. Now my friends and I just have XR100's to goof off on but I'll always be a huge fan. That being said, I am NOT a fan of folks riding dirt bikes in national parks and such. I have no idea why they do that. Don't see the fun in it. Dirt bikes are fun on racetracks, not trails. But that's a post for another day. So to get back to what this post is for....

Last week I heard that Ricky Carmichael was going to have a BIG announcement on October 12th. Now I didn't necessarily mark it on my calendar but I was interested. I was hopeful that he had changed his mind and was going to go ahead and race full time for '07. Turns out it was only this: http://www.racerxill.com/articles/detail/1168/rcs-big-announcement.aspx Great. There is no other form of racing that could do such a stellar job of taking the fun and excitement out of watching RC. Maybe some folks are looking forward to watching him drive in a big circle with a bunch of other cars for hours. In fact, I'm sure that's what Jeb here is getting this important call about.

Whut? One o' dem dere motorsickle racers? He whut?! Raced a japuhneez sickle? Well sheee-it.

I'll be watching Ricky Bobby instead. It's got cougars an' shit.
Buddy

you're only as comfortable with life as you are on your bike

2006-10-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

The guys in charge of the Doubleshot Duathlon put a bunch of pics of the race up on their site and gave permission to steal 'em. So I did.

It's been a damn weird week for me. Things that have nothing to do with bikes have made it a weird week. Last night I took the SS out for a ride and it felt completely wrong. I've hated the bars since the first time I rode it as they are damn near broom handle straight. However, nothing else felt right last night. The bars were too straight and low, the seat felt way too far forward, and the seatpost is getting increasingly harder to keep at the correct height. I've had issues with all of these things for the last few months but last night it was like it all sucked at the same time. Is that due to strangeness of the week? Who knows. What I do know is I'm changing shit up. I'm throwing some Mary bars on and that will require a stem swap due to the oversized Bontrager it comes with. A Thomson will be thrown in it's place. To fix the seat post slippage and seat placement woes I'm gonna get a Thomson setback seatpost. The setback should cure the seat position and the little machining marks that Thomson posts have should keep things more secure. Nothing a little cash won't fix. Too bad everything isn't that easy.

Be good,
Buddy

McMurtry doesn't rock, it rolls.

2006-10-10T04:30:00.000-07:00

We rode the Lake McMurtry trails in Stillwater this weekend. (kevin, david, & i) Those are a blast. For anyone in the area who hasn't been I highly recommend them. For the most part it is like riding a long skinny BMX track. The dirt is mostly packed and buff. There are little rises and berms all over. Occasionally the trail dips into a draw roughly 2 stories deep and then you're back to swooping and rolling through the trees on relatively flat ground. Yeah, I know...sort of the opposite of "mountain" biking. Tons of F-L-O-W though. There are plenty of berms to lean in to and tons of little transitions where you can bunny-hop early, catch downside, and pump on down the trail. There are 2 trailheads. I preferred the trails on the southern side of the lake but both are fun and well worth the $5 fee as the park service really does a good job of maintaining things. Keep an eye out for the surly old park ranger. He rolled up, collected the dough from the drop box, and then played daddy by scolding me for riding around the parking lot without my helmet. GASP! Flat gravel parking lot without the ever so protective bicycle helmet perched high on my head. Watch out Johnny Knoxville. I'm gunnin' for your gig. Anyway, they are having a race at McMurtry on Oct. 22nd. Not sure yet if I'm going to take part in that or not. I do know that I'll be riding there again very soon.

Go ride 'em,
Buddy

WELCOME TO....THE DOPE SHOW!

2006-10-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, Interbike; where porn truly meets two wheels. Not a ton of words; the pic's should speak for themselves; but I'll speak anyway.

Killer skatepark bike.

Peaty's awesome Santa Cruz.

The sweetest Intense yet. They're workin' hard for my money.

Ouch!!! But purdy.

Ooh, my Bianchi was purchased just in time or I think I'd spend the big dosh on this cutie.

And this honey's got my name all over it and may get my DNA all over it one of these days.

If money was no object.....

I repeat; if money was no object...
ROADTRIP! It was good enough for Ferrentino.

And one just 'cause.

Insert brilliantly funny remarks here.

carbon fiber penis extensions

2006-09-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

How many times have you been riding and thought "Damn it! If only these fuckin' levers could be lighter AND less durable!" Well, I was cruising through the Interbike pics at cyclingnews.com and it looks like your prayers have been answered.

Don't forget to flip the collar up on your shirt.

24th Adult...1st Moonfaced Retard

2006-09-26T04:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I've had about enough duathlonin' to do me for...oh...ever. The Doubleshot Duathlon was a really cool event. I'm not a runner by any means but thought that I might be able to make up for it slightly on the bike. Not so much. The first two mile run wasn't bad. I sort of let everyone go at the first because I didn't want to get in the way of the "serious" folk. That was a good plan because those cats were movin' on. The course immediately went up Lipbuster. Not fun but a nice way to thin the pack. I gladly let the ambitious little fellas go ahead. After that I think I passed most of 'em back as soon as we got to the rockier parts of the trail. Maybe it was because their walkers and oxygen bottles got hung up on the trees but I'm takin' what I can get damn it. For a non-runner my first run was going surprisingly ok but I was having a severe case of bitch bladder. Finally I could stand it no more so I stop to pee....nothin'. Total stage fright. I've got the same issue in public restrooms. You're standing at the urinal when some dude walks up and wants to chat. I don't like to talk with another dude while we've both got our cranks in our hand. There's just something wrong with that and, the more a motherfucker talks the harder it is for me to start a stream. Anyway, I've got the same thing going on here in the middle of this damn run. I finally take care of bidness and and am my way. Get back to the transition, take my sweet ass time changing shoes, and then take off on the bike. Looking forward to gettin' a spin goin to blow all that "running" bullshit outa the legs. Guess what? We're going back up Lipbuster...back to the anklebone express. Just like before but now I'm carrying a bike. Glad I chose the singlespeed. It's light. By the time I finally get to pedaling my calves want to go home, and they do. I can't even come close to any kind of "flow" ever on the bike. (btw: I realized last night that my front fork was locked out the whole time...reason 209 why I'll never be a "test" rider) As I'm struggling along Lo Chi I pass a dude with no Camelback who is in bad need of a drink so I stop and let him take a pull off mine. Thought he was gonna drain it. I take back off, ride like shit some more, and then take more of my sweet ass time changing shoes in the transition. By the time I get going on the 2nd run the dude that I gave a drink to catches me. Right before Lipbuster (yes the 3rd goddamn time up this bitch) I ditch the pathetic little jog and start walking. As the dude passes me he says "shoulda trained." Are you fucking kidding me? You're draggin' up the rear of this idiot parade just like me. Douchebag. I drug ass through the whole second run. I was ahead of my buddy Rion and figured I'd just be a punk and walk until I saw him catching, then run. Well, that didn't happen. Rion caught me and I just clapped as he jogged by like he could still go a few more miles. Way to go dude.

So that's it. I finished 24th out of 42 folks (half of which were wearing their underwear) with a time of 1:43. My buddy Rion beat me by over a minute. Our friend Ben, who is the real deal in this whole punishment game, finished about 1 minute behind me due to spending over 15 minutes on the side of the trail with a pinch flat and trouble with his mini-pump. We're not worthy Ben. All in all I'm glad I did it. It was a fun experience and the only regret I have is not getting in a fight with the shoulda-trained-douchebag. And to whoever that was, if you trained only to bring up the back of the pack with me....who sucks worse? Thanks to Ben and Rion for showing me how to get it done. Thanks to Kevin for showing up, taking this lovely picture of me (and to his lovely wife for her comments), and introducing me to some cool new friends. If there is another event like this I'll be there. .....drinking and cheering my friends on.

Training is for pros,
Buddy

hookin' a brotha up

2006-09-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Evidently my continuous blasting of the family is starting to pay off. I've finally coerced my bro to take steps toward becoming a riding bro, that's right he's purchased his first mtn. bike.

Like alot of people out there I dig watching cyclists do shit that I'd never dream of; here's a couple of just such vids:
Cool teaser here:

More can be downloaded here and I highly recommend them:
http://www.pinkbike.com/stund/

And how about a good ol' crash video? Here ya go:

Check out the ghost rider action at 1:40 into the video. "Romaniac" digs it!

Tomorrow I get to watch Buddy run up & down hill & dale, should be a hoot 'cause with his personality he'll be givin' it 100 percentile 100 percent of the time.

Just give 'er Buddy!

if only they made percoset bubblegum

2006-09-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

My lower back has been bothering me all week. It's nothing new. Occasionally it does this for a day, maybe two, then goes away. Standing up straight isn't uncomfortable, but the slightest bend forward sends a shot of pain, makes my knees buckle, and makes me whimper like a 12 year old getting touched by her uncle. For some reason this week it has grown increasingly worse. The one weekend I actually have something planned. So, I did what any other self respecting dude would do and signed up for this http://www.doubleshotduathlon.com/ this morning online. I'm stoked about it. I've spent the last 20 years racing motocross, cross-country, and a little TT with a motor underneath me but I have never done anything like this and have absolutely no idea what to expect. I have no expectations of doing well, just doing it for the experience. Have I been training? Hell no. Just my normal schedule of riding, trick-fuckin', and drinkin'. Should be interesting. If by some chance the chiropractor doesn't fix things this afternoon and this back thing doesn't go away then I guess I just donated 35 bucks. Hell, if you can spend it on a lap dance then you can spend it on some folks who are doing something really cool.

Go do something,
Buddy

more pics of the home loop

2006-09-21T04:51:00.000-07:00

As always the pics are a bit deceiving when it comes to showing elevation change. I didn't do a very good job on my shot of the bridge either. It appears to just be built for no reason but it actually allows you to ride over rocky creek. I put the arch in the bridge just to make it look fancy and nailed the shingles to it so it wouldn't be slicker than cum on a gold tooth. Works pretty good. I just built the berm a few weeks ago....right after I went down like an intern. It's starting to pack in and getting fun. I'll probably add a little more dirt at the beginning and the end to up the fun factor. So, there they are. A few pics of my private trails to prove they exist. I plan to do a lot of work on 'em in the coming months and will post when I do.

Go ride,
Buddy

Proof Post #2

2006-09-20T04:59:00.000-07:00

I live in rural Oklahoma. It is a 30 minute drive to our local trails for me. Continually driving to ride my bike seems a little strange so I made a trail loop on our property. I'm the only one who's ridden it and Kevin had begun to doubt their existence.....thus the post. Currently it only takes around 4 minutes and change to make a lap. I know, shorter than a pair of Gary Coleman's clamdiggers. Nonetheless, it really is a fun loop. It's fun in the sort of way that a backyard mini ramp is fun. You get in tune with every little detail of the trail and can experiment with different riding styles. I usually go out every other day and hit it as hard as I can for at least an hour. (Yeah Yeah. I hear all you "training" type folk out there. Look, I gots a fun family, a job, and normal life stuff. Every ride can't be an epic. I'm real happy for you, your training log, and your heartrate monitor.) When your tires are the ONLY ones riding a trail you really get an appreciation for just how long it takes them to get that 'buffed' feeling. I'm sure that I will continually add to this trail and, if the additions look cool, I'll throw 'em on here. ... ok...i'm having technical retardation with placing the pics where i want in the post so 2 will have to do it for this one....more to come.

Go ride,
Buddy

Proof Post #1

2006-09-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I hate to put anything on here in front of Kevin's excellent tale of doing something worthwhile but....life and shitty posts must continue on. I posted on here back in May raving about ordering a Gary Fisher Rig but never said anything about it once it arrived. Well, I received it near the end of May and my Slayer has seen the trail very little since then. In fact I only choose it for about 1 out of every 10 rides. The Rig is great! I really expected to swap the Reba for a rigid fork but so far I sort of dig it. This shot of my wife's Electra on "bike-wash-afternoon", with it in the background, is the only pic I currently have of it. Not that it's anything interesting. It looks like any other Rig with the exception of the sexy leopard seat. Just thought I should show some proof.

Go for a ride,
Buddy

$823.00

2006-09-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

Heroes: Alphabetically speaking

Steve B.
Buddy B.
Eric & Dee Dee C.
Carla E.
Stuart E.
Scott H.
Tim H.
Richard L.
Mike M.
Aaron P.
David T.
Roger U.

Due to my fundraising in this years MS150 ride I will receive a “Heroes” jersey; but the people listed above are the heroes. Those are the people who gave to help find the cure for this tragic disease.

Thanks to all.

Also thanks to those listed below for putting forth you’re hard earned dollars to help make this a team event. Doug is the owner of Superior and Gale is our Medline rep. Gale donates the money that assures each person on the team gets a free jersey for riding on our team and Doug pays for pre-ride parties and also for all the amenities we have at the overnight stay at Camp Gruber.

Doug W.
Gale B.

Again, thanks to all.

Now on to the story:

The ride sucked. You guys & gals donated a lot of money and will enjoy your donation more knowing that the MS150 turned into a sufferfest for me!!!

After a week of beautiful weather things turned ugly. Leading up to this weekend the weather had been high 70’s to low 80’s with light breezes and just gorgeous; this Saturdays high was 97° with 20-25 mph winds and gusts to 36!!! E-fucking-gads that’s atrocious. My day started off with the bonehead move of forgetting to slather on the sunscreen I’d begged the wife to put out for me the night before, which of course leads to some really weird sunburned wrists along with a striped head from helmet vents. (Yeah, that’s fucking sexy.)

Oh, it gets better.

The ride started out late of course and the first 30 miles most people were feeling froggy. I rode with David Griggs and his friend who is a marathoner; knowing deep down that I wouldn’t last long with these two I started looking for a big group to ride with that could break the wind once we got out onto the open plains. I hooked up with a group and had good luck for the first 30 miles; we had a good pace and it looked like I’d make it to camp in time to shower and watch the OU game @ 2:30. What I didn’t realize is that at the 30 mile mark this group had blown itself up. After waiting about 30 minutes I set out alone heading due east into the hardest flattest 30 miles I’ve ever ridden. The sun was pounding, the wind was fierce, the road was brand new chipped surface, (see rough with gobs of rolling resistance,) and it was fucking HOT! I stopped at each rest stop and reloaded my 20 oz. bottle of water and 16 oz. bottle of Gatorade only to empty them before each 10 mile rest stop.

Oh, it gets better.

At mile 58 a demon appeared at the end of my right big toe. I was already miserable and then this little bastard pain that can only be described as a razor blade being jammed into the end of my toe with each revolution of the pedal. I’ve never felt anything like it before. At the 60 mile lunch/rest stop I discarded the shoes and hung out in my socks giving the toe a break. After lunch I was feeling good again with no problems until mile 62 where the turkey sandwich was now a knot just at the base of my neck. I worked on keeping that jewel down while heading into the first hills of the day. It was still hot, windy, chipped road, but now hilly with a puking on the horizon. It was glorious; I trudged on and caught up with David and marathoner at the 70 mile rest stop. The group of resting riders giggling at me walking so tenderly since my demon had showed up at mile 68. Real funny bitches.

Oh, it gets better.

So now into the final 12 mile stretch with one two-mile climb lurking toward the end I set off. The toe’s rested, the lunch knot has subsided and the wind is behind Braggs Mountain and no longer bothering me. At mile 78 the toe demon came back with a vengeance so I decided to pull off the side of the road and rest. I rested.....forever; every sag wagon pulled up and asked if I wanted help; nope I’m waiting it out I replied at least a dozen times. (Like I said I rested for a looooonnggg time.) I’d taken my right shoe off as hurriedly as possible when I dismounted and sat in the shade pondering my possibilities; I finally decided that it’d be best if I took my right sock off and allowed the piggy’s a little more room. Good idea; bad result; I bent my knee, reached for the sock and BAM goes a cramp! I’ve got the four toughest miles ahead and I’ve got a kick-ass cramp? Fuck me! After about 15 minutes of hopping around and stretching I get it worked out a bit and decide it’s time to go; I mount up and ride alongside a guy who’s motivating me until he gets a cramp. (Evidently they’re contagious.) He pulls over and I continue on until with ½ mile of the big two mile climb left my one cramp multiplies somehow into four separate huge cramps. (One quad, two hammies, and one calf.) I jump off the Bianchi like its hot molten lava and dance around on my painful toes trying to get the legs working. After about twenty minutes of trying to soothe the legs it’s evident that they don’t wanna go anymore; so I take the walk of shame to a SAG wagon. (SAG drivers should do like grand tour officials and rip your number off when you have to have help; I deserved the humiliation.)

Yep; I said it, I did it, and I ain’t proud. The cycling gods were on me:

SAG driver: “Want me to take you to camp?”
ME: Umm, hell no, just to the top; I’ll spend the night there and ride the rest in the morning if I have to.
SAG: I understand; what seems to be your problem.
ME: It’s my fucking toe; I don’t’ know what’s wrong with it but it's killing me.
SAG: What shoes are you wearing?
ME: Shimano
SAG: Oh, you gotta ditch those and buy you some sandals.
ME: Eat me, those are for queers.
SAG: I think it’s because you’re dehydrated.
ME: My toe hurts because I’m dehydrated?
SAG: Yeah man, weird huh?
ME: Yeah right, pull over and let me out now.

The legs never got better and they still hurt today (two days later), but I rode in. There were two more hills to climb which actually did me good and worked out some of the cramps; but I did notice one thing that I’ve never had happen before. While descending the backside of one of the climbs I noticed while coasting that my speed was dropping! That my friend is fucking windy! I normally descend like a freight train; gradually gaining momentum the entire decline, but not Saturday; the wind was angry that day I tell you.

Sadly, my pains pale in comparison. Saturday evening’s festivities were somber compared to previous years. At about mile 56 a 15 year old youth who was riding in his first MS150 was struck by a vehicle and killed. Details of exactly what happened are still sketchy; I hope all parties involved will remember why we were there and that accidents do happen. Hopefully not a single lawyer will make a dime off of this tragedy. Sorry to end this on a sad note but no matter what happened or happens this kid should be remembered for what he was doing; raising money for a fantastic charity.

Fittingly; Sundays return ride was cancelled due to foul weather.

Due to the nature of the last paragraph they’ll be no titties in this post.

Framed like Jerry Reed....

2006-09-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

......and hung like Ron Jeremy. What is? My new wall art for ye olde office. That's what is. Cooler than the other side of your pillow, eh?

Listen to 'em,
Buddy

like a kid in a fucking candy store

2006-09-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Turkey mountain is kinda freaky ya know; it's explained here:

Turkey Mountain, Tulsa Oklahoma

It’s not really a mountain, rising only a couple hundred feet off the west bank of the Arkansas River, but Turkey is an amazing urban wilderness area. With over 300 acres of mostly- singletrack trails, bluffs overlooking the river, and abundant wildlife, Turkey is an oasis for Tulsans needing to get away into the woods for a hike, to run, or mountain bike.

Taken from here: http://www.doubleshotduathlon.com/ (An upcoming event for Buddy.)

Anyway it's only a 300 acre park that I've been riding in for four years now and yet somehow occasionally I find a new trail. Most of the new trails I've found are small feeder trails that take you to existing trails; however over the last couple of Friday rides I came across a few off-shoot trails (or so I thought) and ended up riding a beauty of a trail named "Lookout Loop". The damn things has signs and everything so how I've never come across it amazes me. Here's a pic:

That section of trail is all the way at the end of the trail; there is a cheater line you can see to the left that can be taken, but until I learn to ride across the rocks, and I will learn; I'll walk across 'em. The following pic is the continuation of the trail which is only about 50 more yards or so.
When you're riding Lookout Loop you can tell the trail doesn't get ridden as much as most of the other trails due to the jungle growth and surely that's just because most people don't know about it. But I'm here to spread the word.

W-O-R-D

And finally; more boobies!

Col Sanders is pissed

2006-09-08T04:28:00.000-07:00

Yeah, much like Kevin posted a while back, I've been ridin' too. Ridin' quite a bit in fact. Just haven't got my dork on and blogged. Anyway, I went for a ride a couple of weeks ago and hit the ground pretty hard. I was rounding a corner that had a bit of a berm but not as much I hoped. My front wheel popped over it and, as I'm sure you all know, shit happens quick then. I never even knew I was crashing therefore unclipping wasn't in the flight plan. I think my head and my hip hit the ground at the same time. It rattled my squash pretty good and made me stumble around for a bit but I regrouped and was soon on my way. It took about a week for this nice bruise to pop up but it just keeps getting better. It swells, the swelling goes away, and then it swells again. Kinda strange. It's become a bit of a project for me to see how it develops every few days. Of course, that means annoying my lovely wife with "lookit-it-now" each time. She kept insisting I have it checked out. Finally I went to appease her. After a morning off work, a doctor's visit, and more than a few bucks for x-rays it was determined that..........it's a bruise. Yep. I knew that. She knew that. But guess what, I don't make her look anymore. Despite her wonderful rack....maybe I did marry her for her brains. I just have no idea why she agreed to it.

Everyone go ride something,
Buddy

snot bubbles and 'tard drool

2006-09-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Deep down I don't consider myself to be a competitive person, but on occasion an opportunity arises that's just too hard to pass up. Take Saturday for instance. When rolling out at the start of the MS150 60 mile training ride everybody was grouped together, probably 100 riders strong, rolling at a casual 15-16 mph on flat terrain. After about mile three a group of maybe 20 riders rolls thru and the opportunity for a long paceline draft is too enticing to ignore so I tell the guy next to me that we need to be in that group. Click-click boom I'm on the tail end now and we're rolling at about 25mph; about 6 mph above my comfort level, but hey I've got a hell of a wind break so I'm feeling OK. At mile 5 or so we hit the first little climb and the line blows up like the leader dropped a turd grenade. After all the shenanigans and jockeying I'm now left with three chicks riding clunkers and me on my fancy carbon Bianchi. Surely I can hang is the motto I use to stay motivated; at mile 10 on the second of two killer rolling hills I ask the lead chick if she's trying to drop me; her reply: "We try to drop everybody". GULP; OK I'm in I tell her, go ahead and drop me. For the next ten miles we're riding a pace unlike any I've ever been a part of, my hearts pounding, my legs are screaming, my stomachs churning, sweat is pouring out of every pore of my body, I need to pee, I need to shit, I need to puke, I'm fucking hurting, but I stay quiet and let the power of the Ramones on the ipod keep me pumping. Finally the oasis of the 20 mile rest stop appeared and thankfully the 3 cycling dominatrix’s pull in; I definitely follow and damn near fall over once I stop 'cause my legs aren't working like they normally do. After fetching a cup of watered down Gatorade I catch my reflection in the storefront glass and notice I’ve got snot bubbles accumulated outside of my left nostril and drool hanging off my chin. I look like a ‘tard preparing to destroy my first funnel cake. Anyway, the lead chick comes over and tells me good job hangin' with 'em, I say thanks and ask what pace we rode at and she tells me the average was 23.1 mph. (I’ve abandoned using a cycling computer for now.) WOW, that is the fastest pace I've ever carried over that span and I'm feeling it. After a total of about two minutes at the rest stop they ask if I'm ready to roll? Fuck no I think but instead I politely decline telling them I need to wait on my buddy. Thank god there was somebody I needed to wait for otherwise I think I would have had a complete and udder meltdown on some back road in the next 40 miles.

Now before I start this next bit let me make this statement: I've always been a firm believer in the adage of "It's my soap and my dick and I'll wash it as fast as I want". Especially when it comes to singlespeeds; soooo....

Post 1 on what's wrong with the cycling community: (Click title to go to his site.)
Single Speeds ...Cool right? Well mostly. I have had a fixed gear since ’94 and it is a great bike that I ride all the time. So what is the problem you ask? Here we go. Don’t race a damn single speed! You are not cool, you don’t have “soul”, you are a tool. Why would you want to be under geared on the flats and downhill and over geared on almost every climb?

Just get some freaking gears! Want to impress anyone? Win a race with gears like the real fast people. Yeah I know Travis Brown wins ‘cross races on a single speed. Guess what? You are not Travis Brown. Travis gets the exemption not you. Also if you live where there are mountains don’t even ride a single speed off road. Next time I see one of you goons pushing your bike up a hill you are getting the double barrel snot rocket as I RIDE by your walking ass on my cross bike.

Blah, blah, fucking blah. Who does he think he is? The "Sultan of Cycling?" Nope, he's today's DICK NO. 1

These are cool:

Post 2 on what's wrong with the cycling community:
I don't care who's soap it is and who's dick it is, I bet these guys are dick lickers. Who the fuck do they think they are? Here's who they are; today's DICKS #2 & 3.

BTW, from now on I'm a Moots guy.

Congratulations boys!

yeah i've been ridin'; what's it to ya?

2006-08-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

First of all anyone, who stumbled across this blog and expected regular posts can kiss my ass. Speaking only for me; I’ll post when I want. Period.

Hopefully that’ll help me get rid of my guilt.

Since we last met a few things have happened:

· The gates of hell swung open a little further and therefore making any riding on a mountain bike silly and treacherous. Oh, I’ve been out on the bikes here and there but fuck it’s hard to get motivated to go ride when the afternoon temps range between 101 & 107.
· I’ve ridden NuDraper a few times this year and the SS is THE bike for those trails. When I set the fork at 100mm it’s the shiznit; when the forks @ 120mm it’s a turkey’s turd.
· Made a big mistake dogging David for getting two flats on his road bike; he was able to call his wife and be on the road again in a few minutes. I however got paid back the very next day by getting two flats at Turkey. Where you ask? By the fucking Pepsi plant of course.
· Learned that purchasing new tubes is often better than patching tubes. (I learned that after putting in my 2nd spare tube and having it hiss at me as I inflated it. (Prior to walking from Pepsi to the lot.)
· Finally rode Miller’s in Wichita a few weeks back. I was at the trailhead at daylight and had a great ride until my seat broke and had a flat. My luck is changing however; I was within eyesight of the car! This seat looked kick-fuckin-ass on the SS. I was originally disappointed that my $10 kick-ass saddle was garbage. I decided for satisfaction I’d send the butt-wipe I’d purchased the seat from an email discussing my dissatisfaction with his product; he replied for me to send it back to him along with a bill for shipping and he’d get me another saddle and pay my shipping expense. Good job dude.

(Click the pic and it’ll take you to his eBay site.)

· I finally bought an expensive piece of plastic: What they say is true, these babies float over the road. My advice to anybody who wants to road ride AND have a comfortable experience...buy a CF bike. (Don’t get me started on CF’s use for off-road use though.)

· And finally, it has been requested that I post this, it originally was an email I sent to Buddy; it’s been edited for certain reasons:

As is usual for me in the summer; especially when it's 105, I've been doing more road riding than mountain biking lately. I learned a few things this weekend:
1. When you tell people you'll hang with them on a 40 mile ride and they say they average 15mph, they do. However what they don't tell you is they spend 20 minutes at each of the 2 rest stops along with a stop at the top of each hill, and other assorted stops just to make what should've been a 2.5 hour max ride into almost a 4 hour sweat-a-thon! It was 97 degrees when I got in my car! (11:15 a.m.) I got overcooked and didn't do a fucking thing except lay around yesterday.
2. When you stop at the convenience store at the top of the hill on HWY 97 coming out of Sapulpa and shit what felt like a porn-star quality butt-plug bomb, (it truly left me feeling violated), you can rest assure that as soon as it passes the sphincter rings that there will be a light tap on the door. (Light tap = young woman.) I can't believe the issues I have with defecating in public loo's and women banging on the door.
I feel my string of quality replies remain in-tact, Saturday's: "I got mine, you get yours." (I always feel compelled to apologize in my own way when the young lady and I make eye contact.)

Her face spelled confusion, mine spelled satisfaction.

Don't laugh; you could be my next "shitter" victim.

Now, will I post more often in the future? Maybe...maybe not.

2 things I know for sure:

2006-06-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

This post is a day late.
It'll also probably put me in the 1st class section on the rocket ride to hell.

It's no longer a secret that I struggle with the religious right in this world. But these fucking bible thumpers are going too far. Take for example this lady, I'll call her J, she's an Administrative Assistant for the New Covenant Church on the east coast . My problem with her is that she went thru all the trouble to come up with this little email address nugget: laborunderhislove @ I'm not telling you dot com (No I'm not putting the host name here but I promise it's a real email address I came across in my line of work.)

I wonder several things about a person like this but mainly shit like:

Did she go to sleep with a smile on her face the night she realized that no other god fearing woman had thought of such a kick ass religious email address?
Did she wave it in her friends faces the next day? You know screaming FACE all day and generally being an office irritant.
How about that night; did her hubbie get some righteous pussy since she was all consumed with her passion for christ?
Hell, do women like that even have "recreational" sex? I'm doubting it but man if they get god going thru them I bet the 'tang is absolutely bucklin'. (See knee bucklin' good.)

I understand that my little nugget here probably doesn't belong on a cycling blog but I just had to "exorcise" these thoughts from my soul.

Me & W must be Bro's:
That jackass will probably be the rocket pilot for my ride south.
As Dr. Laura says: Now, go take on the day.

the doc gave me the green light

2006-05-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

Why do I post the shit I do?

I've long kicked around the idea that cyclists are both sadists and masochists. They inflict the pain on themselves and then enjoy the pain thus making them submissive to their own dominating personalities. Fucked up thinking? Probably. Am I right? Probably.

Anyway, I decided to roll out the road bike that's been collecting dust in the garage for about 5 months and give 'er a go this weekend. And while I know that a 45 mile ride is a pansy ass ride for a lot of people, those people haven't been off the bike for 4 weeks for medical reasons, and they haven't quit dippin' this year and packed on the el bee's either. Anyway, somehow 45 miles sounded...um...fun? Weird eh?

So here's the low-down; I was set to hook up with a guy Saturday and take the bikes to Skiatook, drop the car off at a restaurant, ride back to Tulsa to meet a group of people, then turn around and ride back to Skiatook to eat breakfast, and then of course turn around and ride back to Tulsa while his kid took the vehicle back to Tulsa and take up the roll of SAG should anyone need help. (It was a very mixed group of riders.)

· Problemo uno: We start late and the wind at 7:15 a.m. is already a steady 15 mph out of the south and we're of course heading south. So no warm-up, just get on the saddle for the first time of the season and put the hammer down. We had 45 minutes to make it 15 miles which meant we needed to average 20 mph into the wind and uh...we didn't make it. We did however make it 14 miles before we meet up with the group.
· Problemo dos: ME, I'm the fucking problem. I was already fucked up in the head from the initial southbound effort and thought I'd just cruise with the wind at my back for the ride back. But nooooo, two fuckers in the group had to break away and up the pace. Well if there's one thing my fat ass has got it's a fucked up idea that I'm racing everybody, so click-click go the shifters and bam I'm on their tail for the next 12 miles at an astonishing 21 mph. Now I never take the lead, I just sit back and wheel-suck all the way to the restaurant. Am I really fast enough to hang with these guys? Hell no, but I CAN handle the pain. (See I told you I'm an S&M guy.)
· Problemo tres: Breakfast. I thought I'd pre-planned a way to ride-n-eat a somewhat healthy meal that wouldn't cause problems on the final leg of the journey. Here's the plan: two eggs, wheat toast, maybe a taste of the hash browns, and eat only one of the three beautiful slices of bacon on the plate. Well fuck it's not humanly possible to walk away from tasty bacon so I down it all and would've licked the entire plate clean if I hadn't been in a public place.
· Problemo quattro: We have to go southbound again except now its 90 degrees outside and the wind is at an admirable 25 mph. That's the kinda wind that just pisses you off my friend. So angry I give it my all in hopes of just getting it over in an hour, which I do but it was all I could do to keep from getting another view of that knot of bacon that was at the back of my throat. So I finished, gutted, thirsty, hot, and with a stomach that was extremely volatile. I could've shit thru a screen and left no discernable fecal matter behind.

As usual I've got no idea why I'm putting a weird tale like this out on the WWW. Maybe it's just my cheap ass way of having some cathartic therapy; but I really don't understand why I do some of the things I do.

Maybe later in the week I'll post again about the Turkey Mtn. ride I did that night. Sicko.

juice boxes & pillow talk

2006-05-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

We went to the BMX track last Thursday night. Jake did pretty good. He won his first moto and was a damn close second in the next 2. He tried hard & had fun. You can't ask for more than that. But his night of impressing mom & dad wasn't over. The little kid who got 3rd was bummed & wasn't really into picking up his 3rd place ribbon. Jake delivered it to him anyway and gave him an 'atta boy' for riding hard. Didn't think I could get much more proud of my 5 year old than that. THEN on the way home we're pulling onto the turnpike, Libbi and I are in the front of the car shooting the bull, and all of a sudden from the backseat (in his best moster truck announcer voice) comes "SHAKE THEM TITS!" ..... Lib and I shoot each other a wide-eyed look and then force ourselves to look straight ahead because we are both about to laugh our asses off. I'm telling myself that I've gotta gather it up and, without laughing, let him know that we can't just say shit like that. Before I can gather it up he throws out another solid "SHAKE THEM TITS!" We couldn't contain it anymore. We laughed. We're bad parents.

I see his prom date ending like this.

Shake 'em,
Buddy

random blabber

2006-05-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

I don’t know that I’ve mentioned it on here before but I grew up racing motorcycles. I started out just riding dirt bikes and 3-wheelers with my dad for fun. In 1987 I graduated from blue jeans & t-shirts to “real” riding gear and entered my first race. From then on I was hooked. Unfortunately we raced intermittently. Sometimes that was due to financial reasons. Other times it was a product of my dad’s particular dating situation at that time. Ya know, life just gets in the way of having fun sometimes. Nonetheless I developed some decent skills and can hold my own when it comes to the church of the twisted wrist. All throughout my moto addiction I still rode my bmx bike every day. Had my dad been into bmx I probably never would have developed an interest in motorcycles. SO, that’s what I’m hoping for my boy Jake. I’ve rid the toy box of dirt bikes….almost. A few years back some friends and I all picked up XR100’s and those things are more fun than a new set of titties. So, yesterday I backslid a bit. I’ve been working on this killer pump track in our yard for the bicycles. It’s almost done. There are still a few dumptruck loads of dirt sitting next to it waiting for final placement in coming weeks. Two of the piles just happened to be the perfect distance for a little double for the 100. I couldn’t stand it any longer. After about 10 minutes with the shovel I had it roughed out, threw on the full-face, fired up the XR, and (with Jake standing there seeing what he should never see) I fell of the proverbial wagon. Mmmm it was good. I rolled around the little corner in second gear, seat bounced (BRAAPP), and caught perfect backside. Damn that’s fun. Like any old drunk I couldn’t stop until the bottle (tank) was empty. … I’ve gotta get rid of those damn piles of dirt. Hopefully this week I’ll be able to rent a tractor, place the final loads on the pump track, and be back on the wagon.

I’d love to post pics of our pump track but just haven’t gotten around to taking any. Will try to do that by the end of the week.

Buddy

i've just got to get this off of my chest

2006-05-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

What the fuck happened to our society? Whatever happened to people being nice to each other? When did it become normal to be rude? FUCK!

Monday night was the wife’s graduation and she was receiving her Masters Degree. (4.0 no less.) Pretty big deal to me and it should’ve been to all those in attendance. But by the actions of the fucking herd you’d have thought we were back in ancient Rome getting ready to watch a massacre. Here are the things that pissed me off:

People not turning their cell phones off. How fucking rude is that? Common fucking decency should tell you to turn it off so you don’t get embarrassed by the damn thing ringing during a ceremony in a full theater.
Not answering your cell phone when it does ring. Look you fucking fatass bitch and bastard sitting behind me; I’m no fucking dolt, it’s your goddamn cell phone ringing repeatedly and yes we’re all fucking staring at you so answer it GODDAMNIT! Somehow ignoring it makes you look even more daft.
Proud of mom/dad/sis/bro/aunt/uncle/friend/whatever graduating? Then by all means show up in ragged blue jeans.
And by all means where your ball cap backwards.
And yell “That’s my sister up there” when she gets her hard earned degree.
Oh, and let’s not forget, while waiting for the ceremony save about a dozen seats for your homies in an SRO theater ‘cause surely they’ll show…right? WRONG YOU FUCKING LOSERS! If an event is important don’t you show up earlier than the actual start time? NOPE? Then by all means bitch about the auditorium being too small ‘cause we’re all hear to serve you; you fucking piece of shit.
And last but not least if poor Jr. or Sally begins to wail while sitting on your lap by all means remain seated so we can all partake in your pain. Who in their right mind would remove a crying child from a packed theater? None of these fuckheads in attendance. God forbid that little three year old poster child for abortion misses a second of Aunt Thelma’s graduation ceremony.

I can now remember vividly why I had a Mohawk in college. Simply, I hate people. This isn't a redneck thing and it's not a poor white trash thing; it's just a people thing and you should be treated like this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2445024781807135842&q=granny+punch

GOD I LOVE THAT VIDEO

papa got a brand new bike (on the way)

2006-05-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

Well, as much as I dig the Black Sheep frame posted by Kevin I just can’t swing that kind of wampum. So, I went ahead and placed my order for an ’06 Gary Fisher Rig. Yep. I know. It’s probably not as “cool” as piecing together an Indy Fab, Surly, or (gulp) Jones frame from scratch but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper and easier. I’m all about cheap and easy. (Just ask my wonderful wife about the chicks that I dated before she came along.) The Rig has a lot of things that turn me on: 29er, Ecc BB, Avid mech disks, etc… I’m not to sure how long it will be before I replace the Reba with a rigid fork but I’ll give it a shot. Why rigid? #1: I just like the feel of a rigid fork. #2: I live in rural Oklahoma. I get enough strange stairs from rednecks on backroads as it is. To those folks there is only one Reba and I’d rather gargle my own alcohol enriched urine than have someone think that I listen to that shit. It would seem that a pic of a GF Rig would go well with this post but we all know what those look like. So, I’ll simply attach a pic that represents how stoked I am for it to get here.

WOOOOOOAAAAHHHH ....... FUCK YEAH!

Buddy

2006-04-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

Ever do stuff just to fuck with people?

Here ya go Buddy. It's got yer funky bars, it's got yer Black Sheep frame; it's got yer name on it. You'd be the dogs bollocks bro.

further explanation

2006-04-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

My last post has been buggin’ me. Despite the harsh words I actually really like one of the dudes I mentioned. (really makes you want to be considered a friend of mine doesn’t it?) All I’m sayin’ is that my wife wouldn’t get within 10’ feet of me if I sat around and talked about Star Wars and shit. Hey, I dug the first 3. I just can’t imagine discussing them with anyone. And by the first 3 I mean Star Wars and the two after it. Enough with the whole “well that was actually the fourth…” Kiss my ass. Go jerk off to a pic of Capt’n Kirk already. I don’t suppose a person can help it if they dig the whole dungeons n’ dragons gig. You can’t explain taste. I would just think it would be something you kept to yourself the same way one would hide their twisted interest in kiddie porn or Scott Stapp.

That is all.

Buddy

2006-04-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

full on hardcore, XXX full penetration blog post

To my one loyal reader:
Sorry it’s taken so long to post again.

Not a lot of stuff to post about, but a few things:

Years ago a friend of mine started dating this girl; I’ll call her Miss LM; and after awhile they began to get a little more serious. As relationships often do when you’re young certain questions were asked that you didn’t want to know the answers to. He found out the reason she was so good in bed at such an early age was that she’d been boinking for five years. (She was 18 at the time.) Come to find out when she was 12 she’d had a little bike accident and the seat had popped the proverbial cherry. (See it was a bike related post.) In her feeble mind since she no longer was technically a virgin then it was OK to go ahead and screw about a dozen guys per year. Sick twisted logic, but it worked for her.

But I digress:

Had a little shop day/urban day with Buddy and his buddies a few weeks back. Fun day, cold beer, and Buddy being Buddy. Jumpin’ this; droppin’ that…all on his rigid ass rigid. I did get the first two rounds of the derby only to be shut down by Mr. Stoppy. (More on that in a minute.) Other than that all my rides have been local BA urban jaunts. Fun stuff but hopefully I'll be at Turkey tomorrow to taste that lovely jewel again.

OK; I’ve learnt my lesson. You know the old saying; “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”? Or as W would say:
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
Well to the cats that keep saying they’re gonna meet up with me and ride then somehow always have an excuse or a lie; here’s to you pals:

Now to wrap up this post:
Fast forward some twenty-odd years from statements above and as I’ve stated being shut down by Mr. Stoppy; I’ve finally decided to learn how to do a right and proper Stoppy. (Nose wheelie to the uninitiated.) I found a nice level concrete pad while riding the ‘hood with the kids the other day that had a nice little soft slope off to the side that I thought would be a good landing if things went awry. (They always do.) Anyway after the first two attempts I realized that to get the rear of the bike up you have to commit to getting your weight forward; there is no middle ground. You either give ‘er and get it airborne or you half-ass it and get no loft. So I give ‘er and sure ‘nuff the ass end comes up nicely, I ride the front wheel for about 3 feet then do the unimaginable…I fully let off the front brake. Can you picture it? I still can. My weight shifts back at the exact same time the bike goes hurdling forward and somehow, someway that fucking seat nose nails me square on the rosebud, thus seemingly taking my anal cherry. I don’t know if you can say I was actually penetrated but I promise that saddle spread the ole’ browneye a bit. One of the kids hears me scream out and asks what’s wrong with me to which I of course can’t just say I’ve been raped by a WTB saddle; I can only reply that all is OK. Thank god I had on shorts and undies that day or I might just be following in the steps of Miss LM. I mean I had lost my cherry so why not…right?

Ewww; bad visuals there.

How about some bike porn? Here ya go; this’ll help take your mind off that rape scene:

Nice eh?

Oh, and one more thing. After 28 good years of dippin’ I’ve finally decided to quit. It has SUCKED for me and those around me. Come to find out I can be quite the dick. Only two bad vices left; beer drinkin’ and beef yankin’, and you’ll have to pry my beer from one cold dead hand and my dick from the other cold dead hand.

public service announcement

2006-03-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

For those of you who didn't have it marked on your calendars, yesterday was national "Drive Like an Asshole Day." It's a floating holiday. Apparently when folks pass you with the old clenched fist and angry mime routine you're not supposed to smile big and wave like a retard. That may be the closest I've ever seen anyone come to spontaneous combustion. I highly recommend it.

Don't be an asshole. Go ride your bike. Round the world? To the mailbox? Wherever.
Buddy